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Writing Samples
Band 6

Art classes, such as painting or drawing, are as important for children's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Learning about
art
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 has always been a topic of concern. Some people believe
painting
Correct word choice
that painting
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 and drawing can play a pivotal role in students’ development and in other traditional subjects, so they should be mandatory in high school education. To some extent, I do not fully agree with
this
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 perspective.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, delving into
art
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 lessons can significantly contribute to expanding individuals’ aesthetic horizons and unleashing their creativity.
To begin
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 with, it can open the gateway to appreciating
art
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, which allows learners to be inspired by artworks and feed their souls with beauty. Another critical aspect is that
art
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 can serve as a means of
channeling
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channelling
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 humans’ emotions through masterpieces and letting ideas flow onto the canvas, which is not only extremely beneficial for broadening humans’ knowledge, but
also
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 brings imagination to life.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I assert that
art
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 education should not be obligatory because it could be a burden and make students stressed.
Firstly
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,
art
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 lessons may heavily affect learners’ physical and mental health.
For instance
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, students have to deal with a wide range of academic tasks, so incorporating
art
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 classes into their educational programs can be unnecessarily challenging and create intangible pressure.
Furthermore
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,
art
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 might be an obsession for many learners. Individuals must study
art
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 without any interest, which can make them afraid of learning at school and widen their fears to other subjects.
Conclusion
In conclusion, educating students in
art
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 is a perfect way to enhance their knowledge and gain fresh insights.
However
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, I totally disagree with the viewpoint that
this
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 subject should be compulsory because of its burden and difficulty.

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Task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say “to some extent” and later “totally disagree.” Choose one clear view and keep it through the whole essay.
Task response
Explain more fully why art must not be a required subject. Your point about stress is useful, but show why this is a strong reason for all high school students.
Task response
Use a more real and clear example. For example, explain how a student with many tests may lose time for core work if an art class is required.
Task response
Some ideas do not directly support your view. The point that art can help people share feelings is mainly a reason to support art, so link it more clearly to your final view.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: start, one side, other side, and end. Keep this form, but make the first body part clearly say that art is useful even if it is not required.
Coherence and cohesion
Use links that show the change in your view more clearly, such as “Although art has these good points, it should remain a choice.”
Coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. In the first body paragraph, beauty, feelings, knowledge, and imagination are all included. Choose one or two and explain them more.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear or very broad words, such as “intangible pressure” and “widen their fears.” Use simple, direct wording so the reader can follow your meaning easily.
Task response
You answer both parts of the topic: the value of art classes and whether they should be required.
Task response
You give clear reasons for your view, including school pressure and lack of student interest.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs, and the final paragraph returns to your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as “To begin with,” “On the other hand,” and “Furthermore” help show the order of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Visual-spatial skills
  • Fine motor skills
  • Emotional expression
  • Creative thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Cultural awareness
  • Historical context
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Teamwork
  • Collaboration
  • Self-esteem
  • Sense of accomplishment
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