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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Youth crime is increasing rapidly in many countries. Why it is increasing? and what solution can be taken to resolve the problem.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
More and more countries think that
crime
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rates
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 among young people have sharply increased, and many countries are trying hard to combat them. In my opinion, I believe
crime
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rates
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 can be reduced if they focus on two main factors.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, unemployment is one of the main reasons for young
crime
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rates
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. In fact, young adults could steal or kill if they do not have enough money to eat.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the weakness of police sectors is another factor in the growth of the
crime
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 rate. A study conducted by Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 65% of youth
crime
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 in Melbourne city occurred in weak security districts
becuae
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because
 there is no safety.
Therefore
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, poverty and the absence of security are the main reasons for high
rates
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 of youth crimes.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
, formulating fair policies on wages is a solution for poverty. What I mean is that poor teenagers will disappear if the government forces companies to pay appropriate wages to their employees.
Moreover
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, the government should prepare professional police officers through training programs in the security sector.
For example
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, each state should have at least two training centres for soldiers or officers to be ready for any risky duty.
As a result
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, both training programs and fair legislation are essential to reduce
crime
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rates
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, a lot of countries around the world are trying to find solutions to decrease youth crimes. From my perspective, I believe that poverty and weak police officers are the main causes;
this
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 can be resolved by training centres and paying enough salaries to workers.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why job loss may lead some young people to crime, and explain why weak police work may make crime easier.
task response
Make the link between each cause and each answer clear. Better pay may help families, but it does not directly help young people who have no job. Add jobs, school help, and free skill training for young people.
task response
Use more careful words. Do not say young adults will steal or kill. Say that some may turn to crime when they have no money, no work, or little hope.
task response
Your example is useful, but it needs more detail. Say how the study got this result, or use a clear real-life example that shows how better local safety can lower crime.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, causes, answers, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the opening say clearly that you will discuss both causes and answers.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. In the causes paragraph, explain poverty first, then weak police work. In the answers paragraph, give the matching answer after each cause.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words with a clear job: 'One cause is...', 'Another cause is...', 'To deal with this...', and 'This would help because...'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear wording such as 'poor teenagers will disappear'. Say 'the number of poor young people may fall' or 'fewer young people may feel forced to commit crime'.
task response
You discuss both the reasons for youth crime and ways to reduce it.
task response
You give two clear causes and two related answers: poverty, weak safety, fair pay, and police training.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a clear order, and each body paragraph has a main focus.
coherence and cohesion
The ending returns to the main causes and answers, so the essay feels complete.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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