Some people think that animal testing for medicine and cosmetics should be banned. Others think it is necessary to guarantee human safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
People have different perspectives about whether experiments related to medicine and cosmetics should be conducted on
animals
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or not.
While
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some argue that testing new medicines and beauty products on
animals
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is acceptable for human wellness, others argue the opposite view.
Although
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both sides have their merits, I personally believe it is better to test a new
drug
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on
animals
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rather than
using
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use
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it directly on human beings.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are numerous reasons why individuals believe that conducting medical testing on species would bring benefits. One of the primary reasons is that treating people directly with a new
drug
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can lead to detrimental effects on them.
This
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is because
this
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new
drug
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has never been tested
before
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before,
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so it is hard to determine its lethal effects.
As a result
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, it can contribute to new problems rather than solving the medical issues.
For instance
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, introducing a new anti-cancer
drug
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into the human body without conducting any
experiment
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experiments
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can cause fatal effects to patients.
Therefore
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, checking
drug
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safety
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is crucial
by
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when
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using them for preliminary testing.
Body paragraph 2
Similarly
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, there are potential risks of using new cosmetic products on
skin
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without testing their
safety
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. Using chemicals on
skin
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can be too harsh on human
skin
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.
For example
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, ingredients used in chemical
peel
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peels
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on the
human's
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human
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skin
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without knowing their concentration can create major
skin
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issues like
skin
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burn.
Consequently
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, without determining the
drug
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's
safety
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and
beauty products
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the safety of beauty products
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safety
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.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, others argue that these
animals
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are innocent and need to preserve their rights. As these species can't speak for themselves, it doesn't give the right to medical researchers to conduct experiments on them. So some individuals campaign in favour of animal welfare.
Furthermore
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, a number of
animals
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sacrifice their lives when any new medicine is tested on them. As it is an experiment
and
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,
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the exact result does not know how much medicine
should
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to
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be introduced to
animals
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.
Therefore
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, people want to save these innocent
animals
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' lives by protecting their rights.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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animal testing raises serious ethical concerns, I believe that it is necessary for medical research because it can help ensure the
safety
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of new medicines before they are used on humans.”

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task response
Discuss medicine and cosmetics in a more even way. Your main view is clear for medicine, but you do not clearly say if animal tests for cosmetics are also needed or should stop.
task response
Make your own view fully clear in the first paragraph and again in the end. For example, you may say that tests for life-saving medicine can be needed, but tests for beauty products should not be allowed.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. The cancer drug example is useful, but explain why animal tests can show danger before human tests.
task response
The paragraph about cosmetics ends without a full main point. Add a final sentence that states the result of this example and links it to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your overall order is easy to follow: introduction, reasons for testing, reasons against testing, and conclusion. Keep this clear plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use one paragraph for medicine and one for cosmetics, or clearly show that both are part of the same side. At present, the cosmetics paragraph feels separate and unfinished.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'For example', 'As a result', and 'Therefore' are helpful, but make sure the sentence after each one is complete.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about safety. Instead, add a new point, such as strict rules, other test methods, or the fact that animals and humans may react in different ways.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are incomplete or hard to follow, especially the last sentence of the cosmetics paragraph. Write short, complete sentences to make your ideas clearer.
task response
You discuss both sides of the issue and give your own view. Your view is clear: new medicine should be tested before it is used on people.
task response
You use relevant examples about cancer drugs and skin products. These help show the possible harm of using new products without tests.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning and ending. The conclusion returns to your main view about human safety.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For instance', and 'In conclusion'.
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