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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourist who visit such places?

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Introduction
The topic of the tourists who are visiting
places
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 where
conditions
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 are difficult ,
such
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 as the Sahara
Desert
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 or the Antartic has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
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 believe that the
places
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 where
conditions
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 are difficult have several
benefits
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 that will affect
people
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`s lives,
while
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 others believe that their drawbacks exceed their
benefits
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.
This
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 essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of visiting
places
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 where
conditions
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 are difficult.
Body paragraph 1
On
one
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the one
show examples
 hand,the major benefit of visiting
places
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 where
conditions
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 are difficult is to go on an adventure .
For example
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,if many adults want to go on an adventure,they will go to the Sahara
Desert
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 or the Antarctic because they want to try new things.
In addition
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,many
people
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 encourage their friends and families to travel to Saudi Arabia to go camping in the
desert
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.
For instance
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,if a family want to spend a good time on their vacation and do some activity,they can go to the
desert
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 and have a barbecue party.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,despite having several
benefits
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 of visiting
places
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 where
conditions
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 are difficult ,there are many drawbacks as well.First,visiting
places
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 where
conditions
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 are difficult might be dangerous and might threaten
people
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`s lives.
For instance
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,if
people
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 go to the Antarctic,they might die because of the
weather
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 or there might
predatory
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be predatory
show examples
 animals in the Antarctic.
Furthermore
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,many foreign
people
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 can not visit the
desert
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 because of the hot
weather
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.
For example
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,if a girl from America wants to travel to Saudi Arabia to visit the
desert
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,the girl can not feel comfortable because of the
weather
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 visiting
places
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 where
conditions
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 are difficult offer significant
benefits
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 to
people
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`s lives,it is important to acknowledge the drawbacks ,
such
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 as affecting foreign
people
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 from the
weather
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 and the dangerous at its
places
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.

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task response
You answer both parts: the good points and the bad points. To make your answer stronger, explain each point more fully. For example, say why adventure travel is useful for a person, not only that it is fun.
task response
Use examples that fit the place. A barbecue in the desert may be a holiday activity, but it does not clearly show why travel in hard places is good. Write about learning about nature, seeing rare animals, or testing yourself.
task response
Some ideas need to be more exact. Instead of saying weather affects foreign people, explain that very hot or very cold weather can cause sickness, tiredness, or danger.
task response
Avoid claims that are too strong, such as people may die. You can say that visitors may face serious risk if they do not have the right guide, clothes, water, or plan.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, one paragraph for good points, one for bad points, and an ending. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each main paragraph state one clear point. Then add an explanation and one example that directly supports that point.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the long phrase places where conditions are difficult too often. Use simple words such as these places, remote areas, the desert, or Antarctica.
coherence and cohesion
Check the link between sentences. For example, after talking about adventure, explain how this can help people become more confident or learn new skills.
task response
You discuss both the benefits and the disadvantages, so your answer stays on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The words On one hand, On the other hand, Furthermore, and To sum up help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction and a conclusion, and this gives the essay a clear overall shape.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unique natural landscapes
  • ecosystems
  • extreme environments
  • adaptability
  • boosts local economies
  • global awareness
  • conservation efforts
  • environmental degradation
  • human activity
  • potential danger
  • health risks
  • extensive preparation
  • financial investment
  • cultural insensitivity
  • exploitation
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