IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
Do you think that the government should monitor data available on the
internet
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?
While
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 some people think that there is too much harmful content on the
internet
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 and it should be supervised by the government, I believe that it is
also
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 each individual and parent's responsibility to control and manage harmful content.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, technology has become an important part of our lives and using the
internet
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 has become a crucial part of our daily routine. The
Internet
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 can help people in many ways. One example is that it provides information needed at any time and place. You can use the
Internet
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 for educational purposes or even for cooking recipes.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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,
although
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 there are many pros for the
internet
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, there are some cons
also
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. Kids and underage children can encounter harmful and age-inappropriate content and websites.
That is
Linking Words
 why parental guidance and supervision are required. Governments should
also
Linking Words
works
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 on preventing and restricting people from browsing toxic things on the
internet
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Correct determiner usage
although the
show examples
Internet
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 contains helpful things ,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
, individuals and parents should all collaborate to prevent these toxic websites from spreading even more , and it is crucial for all to use
internet
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 on the right way.

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the main question in the first paragraph. Say how far the government should control internet content, not only that parents and users have a role.
task response
Explain what content the government should block, such as child abuse, scams, or calls for violence. Also say what content should stay free, such as news, study material, and fair views.
task response
Your first body paragraph mostly lists good uses of the internet. Link it more clearly to government control. Explain why these useful parts should not be controlled too much.
task response
Add a real or clear example for your main points. For example, parents can use child safety settings, while the government can remove sites that harm children.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: introduction, one paragraph on limited government control, one paragraph on parents and users, then a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then explain it and give an example. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. For example: 'However' for a different view, 'For example' for an example, and 'Therefore' for a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same point of view. You use 'you' in one part, but an essay is clearer with 'people', 'users', or 'parents'.
task response
You give a clear general view that the government, parents, and users should share responsibility.
task response
You include a useful point about children seeing harmful content, which is closely linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Firstly', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' help show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Censorship
  • Freedom of expression
  • Hate speech
  • Misinformation
  • Extremism
  • Regulations
  • Cyberbullying
  • Self-regulation
  • Transparency
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Algorithms
  • Digital culture
  • Personal freedoms
  • Illegal content
  • Internet safety
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