IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has had a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

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Introduction
Many
people
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 feel that the increasing
use
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 of technological tools has had a detrimental
impacts
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impact
show examples
 on young
people
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's
communiation
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communication
skills
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. In my opinion, using
coputers
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computers
 and
mpbile
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mobile
 devices can
leads
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lead
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 to
make
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apply
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real advancements on youngster's reading and writing
skills
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becuase
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because
 they can improve these
skils
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skills
 by using beneficial
apps
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.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason why the young
people
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's usage of technology could
leads
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lead
show examples
 to beneficial effects on them is that they can
use
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 the reading
apps
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 to improve their reading practical
skills
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.
In particular
Linking Words
, when children
use
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 these
apps
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, they can have
the
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apply
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complete access to set their preferences based on their interests, so they can get used to
practice
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practising
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 reading and have
the
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an
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 extreme proclivity for it. Take,
for example
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. a ten-year old kid who loves to read about nature has installed the Medium
app
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 and managed his preferences by only setting natural subjects in his reading list
, he
Punctuation problem
. He
show examples
 got the capacity to read more because of the
app
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's features.
Consequently
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, he is used to reading every day for fifteen minutes before school
and
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, and
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 he is noticing great benefits to his reading
skills
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.
Body paragraph 2
An additional reason for my stance is
when
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that when
show examples
 kids
use
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 computer devices to improve their writing capabilities, they tend to
use
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 particular
apps
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 to correct their mistakes and make improvements. The main reason is
because
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that
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 when they want an evaluation for their writing prompts, they might benefit from these writing
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apps
Check wording
apps'
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 instructions and
advices
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advice
show examples
.
For instance
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, A primary school
person
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student
show examples
 who wants to pass the writing subjects in his curriculum, he might
use
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 the
grammarly
Capitalize the proper name
Grammarly
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app
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, through
this
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app
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 he could be able to get realistic evaluations and corrections on his paragraphs.
Consequebtly
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Consequently
, he will
heve
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have
 the ability to pass the writing subject with the highest grades.
Hence
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, using
apps
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 like
this
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 one could
leads
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lead
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 to
a
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apply
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greater practical
skills
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 in writing.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 there are some counterarguments, I firmly believe that the increasing
use
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 of technological
apps
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 could help to achieve real improvements in young
people
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's
skills
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 because of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 features that they can benefit from.

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task response
Answer the exact question more clearly. The topic is about reading and writing skills, but your first line talks about communication skills. State from the start that you disagree, and keep the focus on reading and writing.
task response
Your two main ideas are clear: reading apps can help reading, and writing apps can help writing. Explain more fully why these gains are real and long term, not only a result of an app fixing mistakes.
task response
Make your examples more real and direct. The Medium example is useful, but say how daily reading helps a child learn new words and understand texts. In the writing example, explain that the child should study the corrections and then use them alone.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, reading paragraph, writing paragraph, and conclusion. You already follow this plan, so make each first sentence state the main point more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use too many linking words such as “In particular”, “Consequently”, and “Hence”. Use them only when they show a clear link. Some sentences are very long, so split them into two or three short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words through the essay. For example, use “young people”, “reading skills”, and “writing skills” instead of changing to “kids”, “children”, “youngsters”, or “communication skills” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence links and word forms. For example, write “can lead to real improvements”, not “can leads to make real advancements”. Clear grammar will make your ideas easier to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion and support it with two relevant main ideas about reading and writing apps.
task response
Both body paragraphs include examples, which helps show how technology may support young people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes the overall order easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words to show reasons and results, such as “For instance” and “Consequently”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • comprehension skills
  • digital content
  • sustained reading capabilities
  • texting and messaging apps
  • abbreviations
  • acronyms
  • emojis
  • formally and coherently
  • educational resources
  • scholarly articles
  • educational apps
  • enhance
  • digital platforms
  • blogs
  • social media posts
  • online forums
  • concise
  • impactful writing
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