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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are healthy benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Introduction
Some individuals argue that leading a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is simpler in rural areas,
while
Linking Words
 others claim that living in modern
cities
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial for human well-being. In my opinion, it depends on the person's self-determination. As long as you eat, exercise and don’t have bad habits, your
health
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 remains in good condition regardless of your place of residence.
Body paragraph 1
The countryside life promotes a healthier
lifestyle
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 by providing cleaner air, a quiet environment and home-made products. The lack of heavy traffic makes the pollution better, which allows
people
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 to breathe dust-free air and puts less pressure on
people
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’s lungs. Without the loud noise of traffic,
people
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 are less likely to be irritated
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it has a calming effect on mental
health
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.
In addition
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, the home-grown food contains no harmful chemicals
due to
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 natural growing conditions and allows residents to eat a more natural and balanced diet.
For instance
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, in the
countrysideside
Correct your spelling
countryside
, the residents led a less sedentary
lifestyle
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,
due to
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 no access to the borough's public transport, they walk, which improves their activity and strength.
Consequently
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, in the range of the natural environment and the absence of city privileges, we are more likely to led more active and healthier
lifestyle
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 automatically.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, there is a view that living in
cities
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 provides
more healthy
Replace the word
healthier
 opportunities.
Cities
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 have easy and quick access to hospitals,
sports
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 facilities and a range of different food.
Also
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, in big
cities
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, the A and E provides 24-hour service, so you can rely on medical help at any time. For urban residents, the
health
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 insurance coverage
usually
Verb problem
is usually
show examples
 free, which is a big advantage. The
sports
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 opportunities are more developed
due to
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 a wide range of public gyms and a high demand for them. Accessibility of
sports
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 facilities
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
people
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 to exercise.The supermarkets offer specific meal options for
people
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 with dietary needs,
such
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 as sugar-free sweets
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or gluten-free bread.
As a result
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, a wide variety of
sports
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, food and medicine provide everyone with a choose how to maintaining good
health
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the countryside
lifestyle
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 automatically permits a healthy environment,
while
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 city life offers a wide choice of different methods of promoting
health
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. I believe that two areas are good, and the
health
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 condition is a human’s responsibility.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. To make your view stronger, say more clearly why personal choice is more important than where a person lives.
task response
Some ideas need more care. For example, food grown at home is not always free from harmful things, and city health care is not always free. Use words such as “may”, “often”, or “can” when a point is not true for all people.
task response
Give one clear, real-life example for each side. For example, a country worker may walk more each day, while a city worker may join a gym or see a doctor fast.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: country life, city life, and then your final view. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph follow one simple path: main idea, reason, example, and short result. This will make the ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or joined in an unclear way. For example, split the sentence about people walking in the countryside into two or three short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words like “for example”, “because”, “however”, and “as a result” are useful, but make sure the next sentence clearly shows the result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as “healthy”, “health”, and “lifestyle” too often. You can sometimes use “well-being”, “fit”, or “good health” instead.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the good sides of country life and city life, and you give your own view.
task response
Your main points are relevant. Clean air, less noise, medical help, gyms, and food choices all fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly shows the two views and your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to both views and restates your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used well, and each body paragraph has one main side of the discussion.
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