Some people say that a person’s success is as a direct result of the way they were brought up by their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

7.5 / 9
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is often claimed that people's achievements are a direct consequence of how their
parents
Use synonyms
raised them.
While
Linking Words
upbringing undoubtedly shapes early development, I largely disagree that it is the decisive factor, because education, personal effort and opportunity
also
Linking Words
play major roles.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly,
parents
Use synonyms
have a powerful influence during childhood. Those who encourage curiosity, provide emotional support and value education often raise confident, disciplined children.
For instance
Linking Words
, a girl whose
parents
Use synonyms
read to her every evening is likely to develop strong language skills, which can improve her performance throughout school.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
who model hard work and honesty teach values that employers and colleagues respect in adulthood.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, success cannot be attributed to parenting alone. Teachers, friends and personal determination often matter just as much. Many people from difficult family backgrounds achieve remarkable results through perseverance. A boy raised by a single parent in a poor neighbourhood,
for example
Linking Words
, may win a scholarship by studying every night and later become a successful engineer, largely because of his own ambition and the guidance of a dedicated teacher.
Conversely
Linking Words
, children raised in privileged and supportive homes sometimes fail because they lack motivation.
This
Linking Words
shows that upbringing creates a foundation, but individuals decide how to build upon it.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
lay important groundwork, I believe success results from a combination of upbringing, education and personal effort.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is inaccurate to describe it as a direct result of parenting.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your view even more exact in the first part. You say you largely disagree, but you can state more clearly that parents matter, yet they are not the main cause of success.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and well explained. To make them stronger, add one more small reason, such as chance, money, health, or the place where a person lives.
task response
Your examples fit your points well. You could make one example a little more real by showing how the teacher, school, or chance helped the boy get the chance to study.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: parents, other causes, then a final view. Keep this strong paragraph plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words are used well. You may use a wider range in places, such as “as a result” or “for this reason”, but do not add links when they are not needed.
coherence and cohesion
The last line is clear and matches your main view. You could make it more direct by saying that parenting is one important part, not the direct cause of success.
task response
You answer the full question and keep the same clear view from start to end.
task response
You explain both sides fairly: parents can give a strong start, but effort, school, and chance also matter.
task response
The examples of reading at home and of the boy who wins a scholarship are clear and fit the ideas well.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main job, so the reader can follow your ideas with ease.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Admittedly”, “Nevertheless”, “Similarly”, and “Conversely” help show the links between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending work well together and give the essay a complete shape.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: