IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from you

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Introduction
Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 think that the most
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 way to have more homes in big
cities
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 is to construct tall
apartment
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 blocks. In my opinion, I
partally
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partially
 agree with
this
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 because having many choices to live in is important to have many
citines
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cities
 in large
cities
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, but
this
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also
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 will be uncomfortable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some
families
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.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main benefits is
when
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that when
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 main
cities
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 have tall
apartments
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apartments,
show examples
this
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 will lead to
have
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apply
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more
people
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to live
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living there
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. Especially in
cities
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 that have a lot of manufacturing
and
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,
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 universities
and
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, and
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 other
work places
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workplaces
. For
instant
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instance
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, student who live in a far away contry from their unversity, they will move and live more
comfortable
Replace the word
comfortably
 in
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apartment
Add an article
an apartment
show examples
 that
close
Verb problem
is close
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 to their
unversity
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university
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are several
disadvateges
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disadvantages
,
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.
show examples
Firstly
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,
Families
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 who have many children
they
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apply
show examples
will struggle
from
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with
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 the space of the
apartment
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, because children need a wide space to play and move.
However
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, they could go to parks for play in warm and good weather, but they couldn't go
in
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on
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 cold and rainy days. As a
resault
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result
, parks are not
good
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a good
show examples
 choice all the time.
Secondaly
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Secondly
, many
people
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uncomfortable
Verb problem
are uncomfortable
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 with cooking or
smoking
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the
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 smell that
spread
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spreads
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 over the building.
Conclusion
In conclusion, having
apartment
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 blocks
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
will allow more
people
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 to live in
crowded
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a crowded
show examples
 city. I think it's
usefull
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useful
 for small
families
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 or individuals as workers or even students.
Eventhough
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Even though
,
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apply
show examples
 big
families
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cann't
Verb problem
can't
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 live comfortably in
small
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a small
show examples
apartment
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, they need
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
 space
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 it's best for them to have
home
Add an article
a home
show examples
 rather than
Use synonyms
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
show examples
.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first part. Say how far you agree, and keep the same view in every part. You partly agree, but the reason for this is not fully clear.
task response
Add more full reasons. Explain why tall homes can help a city: they use less land, put more homes near jobs, and may cost less than new homes far from the city.
task response
Your student example is useful, but make it more real and clear. For example, say that a student can live near a university and save time and travel money.
task response
Talk more about other ways to make homes, such as homes outside the city, better buses and trains, or more homes above shops. This will help you show why tall blocks are or are not the best way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, each main part needs a clearer first sentence that tells the reader the main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in each part. In the first main part, talk only about how tall blocks give homes to more people. Then explain this idea before moving to students and universities.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a clear way: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'Therefore'. Do not use 'However' to join two ideas that do not clearly oppose each other.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end shorter and stronger. Repeat your main view and the two most important reasons, without adding new points.
task response
You answer both sides of the question: tall blocks can house more people, but they may not suit large families.
task response
You give a useful example about students who need to live near their university.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, body parts for each side, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as 'On the other hand', 'For instance', and 'In conclusion', to show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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