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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Population in cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects of this? What solutions can you give to maintain a good quality of life in urban areas?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in many cities are growing rapidly. There are several drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
traffic
Use synonyms
jams
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 and
unefficient
Correct word choice
inefficient
show examples
 knowledge. The main solution is that
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 have to ban immigrants from other countries.
Body paragraph 1
The first reason why
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in cities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 rising is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 who
move
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 from their own
country
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 to another for work or study.
In these
Change preposition
These
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 days, a
big
Check wording
large number
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amount
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 of
people
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 are leaving their own
country
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 because they do not have enough opportunity with a good work or
with a
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apply
show examples
efficient education. The
government
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 is responsible for
this
Linking Words
, as they have to provide
with a
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apply
show examples
great conditions for their
population
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, and
also
Linking Words
 for
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generations. After they do not find a good opportunity, they
move
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 to another
country
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct word order
the population of this country
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country
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's
population
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 will grow rapidly.
For example
Linking Words
, there are a lot of
people
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 who moved from Africa to Uzbekistan to study, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
education's cost
Correct word order
cost of education
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 is very high and
unefficient
Correct your spelling
inefficient
. The second reason is that, as the
population
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 of another
country
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
move
Correct subject-verb agreement
moves
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, the
traffic
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jams
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the roads will increase significantly. Every second
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people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 have
own
Correct determiner usage
their own
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 car, and a great
amount
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 of
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 will lead to
traffic
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jams
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, and
also
Linking Words
 the
ecology
Replace the word
ecological
 problems will increase
rapidly
Punctuation problem
rapidly,
show examples
 wich are dangerous for
people
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's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Body paragraph 2
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
show examples
 can be several solutions for them, the main
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most useful one is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
government
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 and
country
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Prezidents
Correct your spelling
presidents
 have to ban immigrants. If the
country
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's education and
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
 are free and efficient, they have to set a limit
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
populations
Check wording
population
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 from
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
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country
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, they can
also
Linking Words
 start to use Viza to
move
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 to
this
Linking Words
country
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. These solutions may help to reduce a big
amount
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 of
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population
Add an article
the population
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 in the
country
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are negative sides that can be a reason of growing
population
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.
Furthermore
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, the
government
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 have a great fault
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it. It can be dangerous for
people
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 from every side, as
big
Correct word choice
a large
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of
population
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 may bring negative effects for themselves,
such
Linking Words
 as
ecology
Replace the word
ecological
 problems or
traffic
Use synonyms
jams
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more full way. Explain more effects of fast city growth, such as high house costs, long travel time, dirty air, and less space.
task response
Your main answer, to ban people from other countries, is too strong and may not be fair. Give other ways: build more homes, improve buses and trains, make more jobs outside big cities, and plan new areas well.
task response
Make your ideas clear and true. People move not only from one country to another, but also from small towns and villages to cities in the same country.
task response
Use examples that clearly show your point. The example about people moving from Africa to Uzbekistan needs more detail and may not support the main idea well.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear plan: first paragraph for the effects, second paragraph for the solutions, then a short ending. At times, your first main paragraph mixes causes and effects.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a clear main sentence. For example: “Fast city growth can cause serious traffic and air problems.” Then explain this idea and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words used in the right way: “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, “For example”, and “However”. Avoid using many commas after “that” or “such as”.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete and easy to follow. For example, change “It can be several solutions for them” to “There are several possible solutions.”
task response
You give a clear view that fast population growth can lead to traffic and air problems.
task response
You try to explain why people move for work and study, and you include an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For example”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overcrowding
  • Infrastructure strain
  • Public services
  • Housing shortages
  • Living costs
  • Pollution
  • Environmental degradation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Job market saturation
  • Unemployment
  • Urbanization
  • Sustainable development
  • Green spaces
  • Public transport efficiency
  • Affordable housing
  • Waste management
  • Renewable energy
  • Quality of life
  • Economic opportunities
  • Healthcare accessibility
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