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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both sides and express your opinion.

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Introduction
In today's world, in some
countries
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,
people
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 earn high
salaries
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,
while
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 in other
countries
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 government decides the amount of
salary
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people
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 should earn. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both approaches thoroughly and will give my perspective on
this
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 issue.
Body paragraph 1
In well-developed
countries
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, mainly in Europe,
people
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 earn high
salaries
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. High
salaries
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 make
people
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's lives easier and more satisfying. Foreigners who live in
countries
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 with low
salaries
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 aim to move to a better country with higher wages for better career opportunities.
Moreover
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,
people
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 pursue their whole life to make more money, and some
countries
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 give that chance to individuals. Earning an extremely high
salary
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 make employee independent , and they can squander their money in the way they want; meanwhile, in
countries
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 where the government controls
salaries
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,
people
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 do not have that kind of opportunity. Some
countries
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 value the same profession differently.
For example
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, scientists in China earn extremely high
salaries
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,
while
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 scientists in middle Asian
countries
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 earn an average
salary
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, an extremely high
salary
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 can destroy countrie's economy. If one profession will have higher
salary
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 than the
overall
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 professions, it will damage the balance between them.
For instance
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, if a doctor will have much higher wage than a policeman, everybody would choose to be a doctor in that dilemma.
Furthermore
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, the government controls the amount of
salaries
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 in order to save money for military or civil life improvements.
Conclusion
In conclusion, well-developed
countries
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 have the opportunity to pay extremely high
salaries
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 to their residents,
while
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 other
countries
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 try to avoid it for other areas. From my point of view, it is beneficial for the country to make workers'
salaries
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 high because it improves the level of
people
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's satisfaction։

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task response
Discuss both views more fully. Explain why very high pay may help a country, such as by bringing skilled people, new work, and more tax money. Then explain why limits may help, such as by making the pay gap smaller.
task response
Make your own view stronger. Your last sentence says high pay is good, but say clearly that the state should not set a top limit, or explain what limits you think are fair.
task response
Use more direct examples. The example about doctors and police needs more detail: say what problem may happen if too many young people choose one job and too few choose another.
task response
Be careful with claims about whole areas or countries. Instead of saying that people in Europe mainly earn high pay, use a less wide claim, such as: "In some rich countries, some workers can earn very high pay."
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. To make the flow better, give each body part one clear main idea and develop it before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with a clear job. For example, use "However" to show the other view, "For example" before one case, and "As a result" to show an effect.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not link well. The point about the state saving money for the army or public work does not clearly show why it should limit pay. Explain the link, or use a stronger reason.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating "high salaries" too often. You can also use "very high pay", "large wages", or "top earners".
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view at the end.
task response
You give an example about scientists in different countries and another example about doctors and police.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs for the two views, and the ending returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words such as "Moreover", "On the other hand", "For instance", and "Furthermore".
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth inequality
  • economic growth
  • motivation
  • talent acquisition
  • consumer spending
  • tax revenue
  • redistributing wealth
  • market forces
  • income disparity
  • social stability
  • freedom of choice
  • meritocracy
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