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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the amount of money which was invested by different museums in London.

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The bar chart shows the amount of money which was invested by different museums in London.
The bar graph illustrates the amount of money invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different
Use synonyms
museum
Check wording
museums
show examples
 in London.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the highest amount of money was invested in
british
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
 in
august
Capitalize the proper name
August
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the least money
devoted
Verb problem
was devoted
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 on national
museum
Use synonyms
 in
july
Capitalize the proper name
July
show examples
.
According to
Linking Words
 the given information, the history
museum
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
british
Capitalize the proper name
British Museum
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 stood at nearly 400,000 and 420,000 respectively in
june
Capitalize the proper name
June
show examples
. After two month history
museum
Use synonyms
 and
british
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
 dramatically increased
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 600,000 and 720,000. Afterwards,
history
Add an article
the history
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 and
british
Use synonyms
museum
Use synonyms
 were declined around 250,000 and 450,000
separately
Rephrase
respectively
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 month. As for
remaining
Add an article
the remaining
show examples
, the amount
Correct word order
amount, the number
show examples
 of national
museum
Use synonyms
 began at 200,000 in
june
Capitalize the proper name
June
show examples
, which
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
plummeted
approximately
Change preposition
to approximately
show examples
 180,000, before reaching its peak in august roughly 300,000.
However
Linking Words
, in
june
Capitalize the proper name
June
show examples
, the
proporton
Correct your spelling
proportion
 by science
museum
Use synonyms
 accounted for about 430,000, which was minimally fell
in
Rephrase
slightly in
show examples
july
Correct your spelling
July,
then
Linking Words
 remained unchanged till august.
Afterthat
Correct your spelling
After that
, it moderately rose by 100,000 before falling to 300,000 during the
last
Linking Words
 month.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, british with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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