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Band 5

The pie charts below show the methods used by international students when booking online English courses in three different countries in 2009 and 2010.

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The pie charts below show the methods used by international students when booking online English courses in three different countries in 2009 and 2010.
The given three pie charts compare the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of the methods used by international students when booking online English courses in three different nations in two years (2009 and 2010).
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in
Australia
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 other and pre-booked with
agent
Use synonyms
 methods showed
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 downward trend throughout the period,
whereas
Linking Words
 pre-booked with
agent
Use synonyms
 in the USA experienced an increase. It is
also
Linking Words
 evident that arrival in
Canada
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 had the highest proportion in the initial year,
while
Linking Words
 the internet in
Australia
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 witnessed the most dramatic growth compared with others. In detail, the share of
arrival
Check wording
arrivals
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 in
Australia
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 accounted for 26% in 2009, compared with 24% for the US.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 type of method in the US remained unchanged by 2010, but in
Australia
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 arrival increased slightly to 30%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other
type
Check wording
types
show examples
 of
method
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methods
show examples
 declined steadily from 23% to 20% by 2010,
whereas
Linking Words
 in the US
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 26% to 23%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of pre-booked with
Use synonyms
agent
Add an article
an agent
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 in
Australia
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 stood at 27% before declining to 11% by the end of the timescale.
Conversely
Linking Words
, in the US pre-booked with
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agent
Check wording
agents
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 rose
noticeable
Rephrase
noticeably
show examples
 from 24% to 28% over a one-year period. The figure for the internet in
Australia
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 witnessed the most significant rise of 15
percentage
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 points, from 24% to 39% by 2010,
while
Linking Words
 in the
US
Punctuation problem
US,
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 there was a drop of one
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 to 25%.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend, the remaining country was
Canada
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, where two out of four methods experienced an upward trajectory. The fraction of
arrival
Check wording
arrivals
show examples
 in
Canada
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 represented the largest share of 45% in 2009, but
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 was followed by a
further
Linking Words
 decrease to 26% by the end of the timeframe. Pre-booked with
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agent
Add an article
an agent
show examples
 accounted for 22% in
Canada
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 in 2009, before increasing to 35% by 2010.
Likewise
Linking Words
, other
type
Check wording
types
show examples
 of
method
Check wording
methods
show examples
 grew moderately from 6% to 18% by 2010.
Linking Words
Last
Add an article
The last
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 selection of international students
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the internet
that
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
 decline by 2
percentage
Use synonyms
 points, from 27% to 25% over a one-year span.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, australia, agent, canada with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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