IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows sales of three categories of magazine in a particular region over five weeks.

6.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The chart below shows sales of three categories of magazine in a particular region over five weeks.
The given bar chart compares the sales of three different categories of
magazine
Check wording
magazines
show examples
 in terms of $ millions, in a specific region over a
five weeks
Check wording
five-week period
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear
all
Correct word choice
that all
show examples
 figures showed an upward trajectory throughout the period,
while
Linking Words
fashion
Use synonyms
 experienced a decline at the beginning, but
then
Linking Words
subsequently
Linking Words
 recovered. It is
also
Linking Words
 evident that
sports
Use synonyms
 had the highest ratio in the initial
week
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 stood apart from others with the lowest rate. In detail, the share of
fashion
Use synonyms
 accounted
just
Change preposition
for just
show examples
 over 40
million
Use synonyms
 in
week
Use synonyms
 1, compared with 35
million
Use synonyms
 for
music
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the figure for
fashion
Use synonyms
 declined gradually to almost 35
million
Use synonyms
, but
music
Use synonyms
 rose moderately to roughly 50
million
Use synonyms
 by
week
Use synonyms
 2.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 that had the utmost sales stood at 72
million
Use synonyms
 in
week
Use synonyms
 1, before increasing to 100
million
Use synonyms
 by
week
Use synonyms
 2.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend, by
week
Use synonyms
 3
Use synonyms
fashion
Punctuation problem
, fashion
show examples
drclined
Correct your spelling
declined
 steadily to 20
million
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 grew to 60
million
Use synonyms
, but
sports
Use synonyms
 got over 105
million
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 reached its peak of 80
million
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
before
Punctuation problem
, before
show examples
 increasing to 120
Use synonyms
million
Punctuation problem
million,
show examples
 decreased to 100
million
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
fashion
Use synonyms
subsequently
Linking Words
 recovered from 20
million
Use synonyms
 to roughly 60
million
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "subsequently, whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words fashion, sports, week, music, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: