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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the environment problem facing today's world are so great that there is little ordinary people can do to improve the situation. Government and large companies should responsible for the deducing the amount of damage being done to the environment. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some people believe that ordinary people cannot do much to address environmental issues.
Therefore
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,
governments
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 and large
companies
Use synonyms
 should take responsibility for tackling these problems. I partially agree with
this
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 statement, as the combined efforts of
governments
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, large
companies
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 and the public can help to reduce environmental
pollution
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
governments
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 should
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 improving public transportation to address ecological concerns.
This
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 is because a lack of reliable public transport can negatively affect residents' daily lives and increase their dependence on private cars, which can lead to higher vehicle emissions. If
governments
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 allocate more funds to these services, more people can rely on buses and trains for their daily commute
instead
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 of using private vehicles.
For instance
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, workers may prefer public transportation to commute to their workplaces
instead
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 of using their own cars. By investing in
this
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 sector, authorities can reduce traffic-related emissions and improve air quality in cities.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, large
companies
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also
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 play a crucial role in reducing environmental
pollution
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. One of the primary reasons is that excessive use of non-renewable energy sources can lead to increased air
pollution
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. If multinational corporations start using renewable energy sources, they can help reduce the emission of toxic pollutants into the air.
For example
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, by switching to wind and solar power, businesses can reduce their contribution to atmospheric
pollution
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. By investing in clean energy,
companies
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 can limit harmful emissions and improve environmental conditions.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, individuals can
also
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 play a vital role
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along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with
governments
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 and large
companies
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 addressing
this
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 issue.
This
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 is mainly because the public needs to cooperate with government policies and avoid using environmentally harmful products. If consumers use reusable items
instead
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 of single-use plastics, they can reduce the amount of plastic waste.
For example
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, by using reusable bags and utensils, residents can limit the amount of rubbish entering the environment. By adopting eco-friendly habits, citizens can reduce waste and protect natural resources.
Conclusion
In conclusion, cooperation among individuals,
governments
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 and large
companies
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 can make a considerable contribution to reducing environmental
pollution
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. Everyone has a responsibility to protect the environment.
Therefore
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, collective efforts are necessary to tackle
this
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 problem.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. You say you partly agree, but you can say how much work should come from governments and big firms, and how much should come from people.
task response
Develop the point about ordinary people more. Explain that one person may have a small effect, but many people changing daily habits can have a very large effect.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, name a city with good trains, or explain how a firm can cut waste in its shops and factories.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: government, companies, then people. Keep this plan, but make the links between the three parts more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated. For example, the point about clean energy and less air pollution appears several times. Add one new detail instead of saying the same idea again.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of simple link words, such as “also”, “however”, “as a result”, and “for this reason”. This will make the flow smoother.
task response
You answer all main parts of the question. You discuss the role of governments, large companies, and ordinary people.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and stay on the topic. Public transport, clean energy, and reusable products are good choices.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear focus, followed by an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are clear. The ending brings back your main view about shared work.
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