IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates have more influence on a child’s success at school than parents do. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Introduction
Unquestionably, every coin has two sides . Classmates
affect
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more
on
Check wording
of an effect on
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child's
Add an article
a child's
show examples
 success than parents . But on the other side , not only mates but the parents
also
Linking Words
 influence
on
Change preposition
a
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 kid's education and development.
Body paragraph 1
In my opinion ,
this
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 statement is correct to a large
extend
Use the right word
extent
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. When we say
school
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the school
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 of our young ones
matter
Correct subject-verb agreement
matters
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 in their
up bringing
Correct your spelling
upbringing
.
This
Linking Words
 seems to be true because
environment
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the environment
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 of the
children
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children's
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 education system influence on their personalities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their friends play
important
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an important
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 role in it .
For example
Linking Words
, if the colleagues of someone have manners and decipline than these
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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also
Linking Words
 have
impact
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an impact
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 on growth and career . On the other side , if
community
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the community
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 around is involved in bad doings , misbehave with everyone and
mannerless
Verb problem
are mannerless
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 . It surely spread to the
persons
Check wording
people
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 near them . Many peer groups around you are strong pillars to
make
Verb problem
help
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 you
each
Verb problem
reach
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 the highest standard .
Conclusion
I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view because when we say our child should study in
best
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the best
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 school and in
best
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the best
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 educational system .
Then
Linking Words
 we mean
whole
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a whole
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 school setup in which students are
main
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the main
show examples
 part .

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task response
State your view clearly in the first part. You agree, but you also say parents have an important effect. Explain why classmates have more effect than parents.
task response
Give two clear main reasons. For example, classmates shape daily study habits, and they can push a child to work hard or act badly.
task response
Develop each reason with a full example. Show one child, what the classmates do, and how this changes the child’s school work.
task response
Add a short final part that restates your view: classmates have more daily effect at school, though parents still guide children at home.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: first part with your view, one body part for good classmate effects, one body part for bad effects, then a final part.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. The last part repeats the idea about a good school, but it does not add a new reason or close the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully: 'First,' 'For example,' 'However,' and 'Therefore.' This will make the links between ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make your examples clear. Instead of 'colleagues of someone,' say 'a child’s classmates.' Instead of 'it surely spread,' explain exactly how bad behavior affects the child.
task response
You give a clear overall view that classmates can strongly affect a child’s school life.
task response
You include both good and bad effects of classmates, which is useful for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening introduces the two sides of the issue before you give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You use example signals such as 'For example' and contrast words such as 'On the other side.'
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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