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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some male and feamle want kind at later in their life what are the reason and does demertis outweight the merits

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Introduction
It has been noticed that ,in some nations ,
conciving
Correct your spelling
conceiving
 in
elder
Replace the word
older
 age is preferred by many couples
.
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
which have multipul reasons , but the most prominent
one
Use synonyms
 is that they want to put more efforts on their career and want to enjoy their young life period.
According to
Linking Words
 me, there are more demerits of
this
Linking Words
 notion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, from the list of reasons, most primilary
one
Use synonyms
 is preference to career. In the era of inflation, almost everybody understood the importance of making money and having well settled career. To achieve that, start making the right choices and having more emphasis on achieving goals without any distractions is really important. Because of
this
Linking Words
, young couples prefer not to have children so that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they do not have any other responsibilities
along with
Linking Words
 that to control the expenses which gonna come
along with
Linking Words
 a newborn baby ,
such
Linking Words
 as diapers,toys,feeding products, medical expensives and many more. Another reason which is related to before mentions prospective it by having control over expenditure by not having
baby
Add an article
a baby
show examples
, they want to enjoy their life by living a wealthy lifestyle and spend money on themselves
instead
Linking Words
 of another human being.
Conclusion
Moving forward to disadvantages, when thinking about other prospectives most of male and females often ignore the drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
; first and foremost ,
one
Use synonyms
 is
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 realisation of the importance of having childern in late in life .
while
Linking Words
 they lose the ability to have
one
Use synonyms
 by natural process , so they decide to choose alternatives
such
Linking Words
 as medical artificial intelligence. Which can be highly dangerous for them in some cases because they generally lose their immunity to fight back from the side effects heigh doses of medicine , which they need to take
along with
Linking Words
 that. Another demerit is that,

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task response
Answer both parts fully. You explain why people wait to have children, but the second part is not finished. Add a full paragraph about the bad points and then clearly say why they are greater than the good points.
task response
Make your main view clear from the start and support it to the end. Explain how each bad point affects parents, children, or family life.
task response
Use one simple real-life example for each main idea. For example, older parents may have less energy when their child is young, and health problems may be more likely.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start and two main body parts, but it stops before the end. Write a short final paragraph that repeats your view in clear words.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, separate career plans from the wish to spend money and enjoy life.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more carefully: "First", "Also", "However", "As a result", and "In conclusion". This will make the order of ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Break them into two or three short sentences so the reader can understand your point more easily.
task response
You give two clear reasons why couples may wait: work plans and the wish to enjoy life first.
task response
You state your own view in the introduction: the bad points are greater than the good points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraph breaks and moves from reasons to bad points in a clear general order.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking phrases, such as "To begin with" and "Moving forward", show an attempt to guide the reader through the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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