IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People today often use the internet to learn about the culture of other countries. This means that it is not that important to travel to those countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is universally accepted that the
Internet
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 has become an integral part of our lives and,
moreover
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, greatly contributes to gaining knowledge about the world, particularly about the cultures of other nations. It is argued that it is not important to visit those countries that have been explored online.
Body paragraph 1
While
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 some might agree with
this
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 statement, I strongly disagree with it, inasmuch as
such
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 a way of
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 cannot be called visiting a country and getting acquainted with its traditions.
Body paragraph 2
In regard to using the
Internet
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 to absorb information about cultural heritage, it is the most significant tool for discovering the world, even the most distant areas. Admittedly, by scrolling through social media or watching programs about other nations, people discover new places to visit
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 but
such
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 videos and Instagram reels can exaggerate information
,
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apply
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 or even fail to reveal some interesting facts about a place. To illustrate, many travel bloggers have a tendency to mislead tourists about rural areas, showing developed infrastructure and a lively nightlife. In reality, there are no promising attractions, rural festivals or events — just run-down areas.
Body paragraph 3
Another reason is that individuals cannot afford to try the traditional cuisine of a new country through the
Internet
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.
Likewise
Linking Words
, I am convinced that every nation introduces its specific dishes that are full of secrets and unique ingredients.
For instance
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, an American tourist can search the
Internet
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 for Russian pancakes and try to prepare them.
However
Linking Words
, they would not taste the same as in Russian restaurants.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 example clearly expresses my view that real
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 differs from virtual
traveling
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travelling
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the
Internet
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 might not replace offline
traveling
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travelling
show examples
, as it does not fully transmit tastes, smells, mood and culture of foreign regions, nor does it convey a worldview.

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task response
State your main view in a more direct way. You disagree because the internet can give only part of a culture, while travel gives real life, food, people, and places.
task response
Develop the first main point more fully. The part about false posts is useful, but explain more clearly why this makes travel important.
task response
Use examples that are more fair and clear. Saying that rural areas have no good places or events is too broad and may not be true. Give one clear case of an online post that shows only the best side of a place.
task response
Your food example supports your view well. You could also add one point about meeting local people, joining daily life, or seeing customs first-hand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. For example, after saying online posts may be false, add: 'As a result, people need to visit a place to see what it is really like.'
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hard to follow. Split them into two shorter sentences, especially in the introduction and first main paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'Internet' and 'traveling' too often. You can sometimes use 'online sources', 'real visits', or 'going there'.
task response
You clearly give your view from the start and keep the same view in the whole essay.
task response
The point about food is strong because it shows something people cannot fully experience online.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main view and sums up the key reasons clearly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural immersion
  • virtual tours
  • biases
  • authenticity
  • cuisine
  • perpetuate
  • sustainable tourism
  • misinterpretations
  • personal relationships
  • language acquisition
  • social media platforms
  • information accessibility
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