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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Many people have prespective that the competition at work, at school and in daily life helps in goal achievement.
While
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 others believe that cooperation is a better
approach
Use synonyms
 in maintaining stability and productivity. I totally agree with
this
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 statement that it will bring more consistency without competing against each other in
growth
Use synonyms
 factors.
Body paragraph 1
To embark upon, people who think that competition is a good thing for future goals. As it will help them to stay focused on their goal and keep making their efforts. It is considered a fair
approach
Use synonyms
 for them .
For instance
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, in India, the government hires individuals who clear their exam in first go , and
this
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 will increase the competitive nature of society.
Therefore
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, having a defined goal with competative attribute will help them to attain that. And
this
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 will
also
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 be beneficial in a fair
approach
Use synonyms
 to hiring criteria.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, people with
cooperating
Replace the word
cooperative
 skills lead toward consistency and productivity.
This
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 method will help in more economic and industrial
growth
Use synonyms
, and it fosters multiple task achievement without any stress factors. To epitomise, in the USA, the
growth
Use synonyms
 rate increased up to 70% by stree free environment and a cooperative
approach
Use synonyms
. It indicates the
overall
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 future
growth
Use synonyms
 rate with increased productivity and stability.
Body paragraph 3
And
this
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 will bring more job opportunities.
Conclusion
To recapitulate, having competative nature is good for goal orientation , but cooperation is a better factor to attain the
overall
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growth
Use synonyms
 by reducing work pressure and stress factors at work , at school or in daily life.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, which is good. However, explain more clearly why team work is better than competition in work, school, and daily life.
task response
Your main ideas need more support. For example, explain how team work can help people share ideas, solve hard problems, and do better work together.
task response
Be careful with facts. The claims about India and the USA are very strong, but no source is given. Use a clear, simple example instead, such as a team at work finishing a project faster.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show your meaning: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “However”, and “As a result”. Avoid links that do not fit, such as “To embark upon” and “To epitomise”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too short or repeat the same idea. Join related ideas and make the link clear. For example, put “And this will bring more job opportunities” with the paragraph before it and explain why.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words correctly. Write “competition” and “competitive” rather than “competative”, and write “stress-free” rather than “stree free”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you write about competition, cooperation, and your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of separate paragraphs helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly restates your view that cooperation can support growth and lower stress.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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