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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that individuals cannot do anything to improve the environment, and only governments and large companies can make a real difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that one person doesn'
t
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evolve
Verb problem
adapt
show examples
 to
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environment
Add an article
the environment
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. Only the
government
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 and a large community can make a change. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
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;
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 the
government
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 can create beneficial
rules
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, and large companies contribute to the
environment
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.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason is that the
government
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 can create different
types
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 of
rules
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,
such
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 as regulating
air
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pollution
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,
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apply
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 banned producing toxic gases by industrial buildings. Currently, ecological problems are increasing everywhere. It causes
air
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pollution
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, traffic congestion and noise
pollution
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. One person or a little community can not contribute to it. Only the
government
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 can improve the
environment
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 by creating
rules
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 and banned negatively effects. If the
government
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 produce to
rules
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 for an evolving
environment
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,
people
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 try to save water , and they don'
t
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 cut
trees
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.
For instance
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, in Uzbekistan, the
government
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 produce new
rules
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 that if constructors or
people
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 cut
trees
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, they need to pay a lot of money into the
government
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's budget and they must plant
trees
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.
As a result
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, a lot of
trees
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 were saved
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they produce fresh
air
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
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 can save
a good
Correct determiner usage
the
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environment
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.
Body paragraph 2
Another significant reason is that
,
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 large companies can contribute improve the
environment
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. If many
people
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 try to save water and they cultivate
trees
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 and flowers, the country is being peacefull and tranquil place. If many
people
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 don'
t
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 save the
environment
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, it doesn'
t
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 evolve and increase different
types
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 of ecological problems.
For example
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, in Swetherland many residents are eco-friendly. Different
types
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 of age generations create the volunteers. They are always cultivating green
areas
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,
such
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 as growing
trees
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, flowers and different
types
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 of plants in streets or modern cities.
As a result
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, there is fresh
air
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, not
air
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pollution
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, not traffic congestion. There are picturesque natural
areas
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, forest and green
areas
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 .
Therefore
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, many communities can improve the
environment
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 , and they contribute to evolving green
areas
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion. The
government
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 improve the
environment
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 by creating
rules
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,
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apply
show examples
 and banning,
as a result
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, residents try to save the
environment
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. Individuals can not nothing evolving
environment
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,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 they can improve together.

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task response
Your main view is not clear. You say you partly agree, but the first body says only the government can help. The second body says many people can help. State your view clearly: governments and big firms have a bigger role, but people also matter.
task response
Answer all parts of the question. Explain what governments and large companies can do, and also explain what one person can do, such as use less water, use buses, sort waste, and plant trees.
task response
Some ideas are too broad or not fully true. For example, a country will not have no traffic or no air pollution only because people grow flowers. Use careful claims and explain how each action helps.
task response
Your Uzbekistan example is useful. Make it more clear: say what the rule is, who must follow it, and how it saves trees. The Switzerland example should focus on people, not large companies, because it is about residents and volunteers.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction with your view; one paragraph on government and big firms; one paragraph on people; then a short conclusion. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a clear main idea. For example: “Governments and large companies can make the biggest change because they control laws and large projects.” Then give one example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same words too often, such as “improve the environment”, “create rules”, and “different types”. Use simple changes like “protect nature”, “make laws”, “reduce pollution”, and “these actions”.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use words such as “However”, “In addition”, “Because of this”, and “For example”. Also, do not put a full stop after “In conclusion”; use a comma instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand because the word order is not clear. Write shorter sentences. For example: “The government can ban factories from releasing toxic gases.” This is clearer than “banned producing toxic gases by industrial buildings.”
task response
You give a clear example from Uzbekistan about rules for cutting trees. This supports your point about the role of government.
task response
You try to show both sides of the topic: large groups can act on a big scale, while people can work together to care for green areas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives it a basic and easy-to-see shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “For instance”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • carbon footprint
  • renewable energy
  • conservation
  • corporate social responsibility
  • policy implementation
  • grassroots movement
  • environmental advocacy
  • legislation
  • systemic change
  • collective impact
  • green initiatives
  • pollution control
  • biodiversity
  • global warming
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