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Band 5

Some people think that books should be stopped in schools that film videos and computer should be used to what extent do you agree

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Introduction
In today's digital world, some argue that
books
Use synonyms
 should be replaced with
videos
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
computer
Check wording
computers
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
videos
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
computer
Check wording
computers
show examples
 can play a crucial role in
students
Use synonyms
' educational development, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, and I believe that a balanced approach to
books
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and
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
videos
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
computer
Check wording
computers
show examples
 can bring about long-term beneficial outcomes.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, one of the main
adavantages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of
videos
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 and
Use synonyms
computer
Check wording
computers
show examples
 is that they can significantly increase
students
Use synonyms
' engagement at classroom, which can improve their productivity, resulting in their educational growth.
For example
Linking Words
, learning English by educational
videos
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 can help
students
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 improve their language
skills
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, including speaking, listening, and pronunciation,
consequently
Linking Words
 making learning English more
efficienlty
Correct your spelling
efficient
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
videos
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 and
Check wording
computers
show examples
computer
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 can improve
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students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 academic performance.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
books
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also
Linking Words
 play an indispensable role in the learning process.
Books
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 enable
students
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 to improve their essential cognitive
skills
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, including imagination, critical thinking, and creativity.
This
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 is because
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have to imagine on their own, despite educational
videos
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. Thereby,
books
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 can broaden
students
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'
horizone
Correct your spelling
horizons
while
Linking Words
 supporting their educational progress.
For example
Linking Words
, reading historical events
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
books
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 not only offers more detailed information for
students
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 but
also
Linking Words
 allows them to imagine events on their own, cultivating their cognitive
skills
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 computers and
videos
Use synonyms
 can contribute significantly to
students
Use synonyms
' educational progress, I disagree with completely replacing
books
Use synonyms
 with
Use synonyms
computer
Check wording
computers
show examples
 and films, as I believe that
books
Use synonyms
 can have a positive impact on developing
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 essential
skills
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a balanced approach to
coventional
Correct your spelling
conventional
 and modern teaching methods can support
students
Use synonyms
' personal, educational,
professional
Correct word choice
and professional
show examples
 development.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first part. Say that you do not agree that books should be fully replaced, but you support using both books and digital tools.
task response
Talk more directly about stopping books in schools. Explain why books should still be used, such as for deep reading, focus, and thinking.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but develop each one more. Show how videos help learning and why books give a different kind of learning.
task response
Use more exact examples. For example, say how a video can show science steps, while a book can help a student read, think, and write about a long topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, two main parts, and end. Keep this shape in future work.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. Do not repeat "videos and computer" many times. Use "these tools", "digital learning", or "technology" instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" work well here. However, some links, such as "thereby" and "consequently", are not needed and can make the sentence hard to read.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main part focused on one point. In the first main part, stay with interest and language learning. In the second, stay with reading and thinking skills.
task response
You answer the main question and give a clear view: books should not be fully replaced.
task response
You include useful examples about learning English through videos and reading about history in books.
coherence and cohesion
The order of your ideas is easy to follow, with one part about digital tools and one part about books.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending matches your main view and brings the essay back to the idea of using both ways of learning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Literacy
  • Comprehension
  • Visual learners
  • Digital tools
  • Interactive resources
  • Attention spans
  • Tactile experience
  • Annotating skills
  • Accessibility
  • Text-to-speech functionalities
  • Overexposure
  • Eye strain
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