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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people claim that corporal punishment is a good way to raise children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some people believe that corporal
punishment
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 is an effective way to
discipline
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children
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 and teach them right from wrong.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view because physical
punishment
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 can harm
children
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's mental well-being and is less effective than positive methods of
discipline
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.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, corporal
punishment
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 can have negative effects on
children
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's psychological development. When
parents
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 hit their
children
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 for misbehaving,
children
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 may experience fear, anxiety and a lack of self-confidence.
Instead
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 of understanding why their behaviour is wrong, they may simply learn to avoid
punishment
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.
Furthermore
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, physical
punishment
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 can damage the relationship between
parents
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 and
children
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, making it more difficult for them to communicate openly and trust one another.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason why I oppose corporal
punishment
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 is that there are more effective ways to teach
children
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discipline
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.
For example
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,
parents
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 can establish clear rules, explain the consequences of inappropriate behaviour and reward
children
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 when they behave well. If a child refuses to complete their homework,
parents
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 could limit their screen time until the task is finished.
This
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 approach helps
children
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 understand responsibility and develop self-control without causing physical or emotional harm. It
also
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 teaches them to solve problems through communication rather than violence.
Body paragraph 3
Admittedly, some people argue that corporal
punishment
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 can produce immediate results because
children
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 may stop misbehaving when they fear being punished.
Nevertheless
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, immediate obedience does not necessarily mean that
children
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 have learned the difference between right and wrong. In the long term, they may become more aggressive or use physical force to resolve conflicts with others.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly disagree that corporal
punishment
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 is a good way to raise
children
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.
Although
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 it may sometimes achieve short-term obedience, positive
discipline
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 and clear communication are better ways to help
children
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 develop into responsible and emotionally healthy adults.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same: you are against this kind of punishment. To make the ideas even stronger, add one more real or more detailed example of how a child may act after being hit.
task response
You answer both parts of the topic well: you say how far you disagree and give reasons. The other side is included, but you could explain more clearly why quick obedience is not the same as learning what is right.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two main reasons, the other view, and an ending. Each paragraph has one main point, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as “First of all”, “Furthermore”, “For example”, and “Nevertheless”, help the reader follow your ideas. You could use fewer set phrases at the start of paragraphs and make some links more natural through the meaning of the sentences.
coherence and cohesion
The example about homework and screen time fits your point well. You can make the link back to the main idea even tighter by saying that this teaches the child what to do next time, not only how to avoid a bad result.
task response
You give clear reasons for your view: harm to the child, harm to the parent-child bond, and the value of other ways to guide children.
task response
The homework example is useful, clear, and closely linked to your point about teaching self-control without harm.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader your main view, and the ending returns to it clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The move from short-term fear to long-term harm is logical and helps the essay feel complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • corporal punishment
  • physical discipline
  • child-rearing
  • immediate obedience
  • long-term behaviour
  • fear rather than respect
  • parent-child relationship
  • emotional well-being
  • low self-esteem
  • aggressive behaviour
  • acceptable use of violence
  • set clear boundaries
  • explain the consequences
  • positive discipline
  • reasonable consequences
  • remove privileges
  • reward good behaviour
  • teach self-control
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