IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that in the future,most cities will become unlivable due to pollution and overcrowding.others think technological innovation will solve this problems. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Urbanization
Change the spelling
Urbanisation
show examples
 has accelerated rapidly in recent decades, raising
concern
Check wording
concerns
show examples
 about
sustainability
Add an article
the sustainability
show examples
 of modern
cities
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that increasing
pollution
Use synonyms
 and population density will make urban areas uninhabitable in the future, others believe that
advancement
Replace the word
advanced
 technology will provide effective solutions.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both
perspective
Check wording
perspectives
show examples
 before presenting my
on you
Use the right word
own
show examples
 that technological
innovation
Use synonyms
 can help make
cities
Use synonyms
 more sustainable.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
critiques
Check wording
critics
show examples
 of urban expansion
one
Verb problem
argue
show examples
 that
cities
Use synonyms
 may become unbearable places to live. One major concern is. Environmental degradation.
Is
Correct word choice
As
show examples
 interest
activities
Change preposition
in activities
show examples
intensify
Correct subject-verb agreement
intensifies
show examples
, air
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and water
pollution
Use synonyms
 are likely to worsen, leading to serious health problems for
citydwellers
Correct your spelling
city dwellers
.
For example
Linking Words
, many
mega
Correct your spelling
megacities
cities
Use synonyms
, air quality already
exceed
Correct subject-verb agreement
exceeds
show examples
 safe limits set by international
organization
Check wording
organisations
show examples
, resulting in respiratory disease and premature deaths.
In addition
Linking Words
, the relentless influx
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 into
cities
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
sports
Verb problem
puts
show examples
 enormous pressure on housing and infrastructure. Overcrowded streets, inadequate
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 public services and scarcity of green species can severely diminish
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of life.
Is
Correct word choice
If
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend
continue
Change the verb form
continues
show examples
 unchecked, urban
center
Check wording
centres
show examples
 could face a decline in livability.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many are optimistic that technological
innovation
Use synonyms
 will counter these challenges. Clean energy technologies,
such
Linking Words
 as solar and wind
power
Punctuation problem
power,
show examples
 can significantly reduce emissions from transportation and industry.
Moreover
Linking Words
, smart city initiatives, including intelligent
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 traffic management
system
Check wording
systems
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and waste
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 recycling
technologies
Punctuation problem
technologies,
show examples
 can make urban living more efficient and sustainable.
For example
Linking Words
, some
cities
Use synonyms
 have successfully
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 congestion and
pollution
Use synonyms
 through the use of driverless electric
vehicle
Check wording
vehicles
show examples
 and real-time traffic control
for the mall advances
Punctuation problem
. Advances
show examples
 in urban planning
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as vertical farming and green
architecture
Punctuation problem
architecture,
show examples
 have the potential to create healthier, more self-sufficient communities.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 the traits
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
 and overcrowding are real,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
embracing technological
innovation
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will play a decisive role in making
cities
Use synonyms
 more livable.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will only be possible in government and private sector invest heavily in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sustainable development and implement
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 strong
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 environmental regulations.
Innovation
Use synonyms
 alone is not enough; it must be supported by effective policy and public awareness.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 rapid
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
 could lead to severe
pollution
Use synonyms
 and overcrowding, technological progress offers
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 promising solution to these problems.
Which
Change preposition
Through
show examples
 responsible planning and investment, future
cities
Use synonyms
 can become
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
cleaner
Punctuation problem
cleaner,
show examples
 greener, and more sustainable
place
Check wording
places
show examples
 to live.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer all parts of the task: you discuss both views and give your own view. Make your opinion even clearer in the first and last parts. Say directly that technology can help, but it needs strong rules and good city plans.
task response
Develop each main idea with one clear reason and one clear example. For example, explain how clean buses, better trains, or solar power can cut air pollution in a city.
task response
Some examples are too general, such as “many mega cities”. Use one real or clear example, then explain its result for people who live there.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, your view, and conclusion. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Several sentences are hard to follow because words are missing or in the wrong place. For example, write “critics of urban growth warn” instead of “critiques of urban expansion one”.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words correctly: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Do not add commas where they are not needed.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, focus on pollution and crowding. In the second, focus on technology and how it can help.
task response
You give a balanced answer and clearly state that technology can help cities, but action from government and business is also needed.
task response
Your ideas about clean energy, smart traffic, waste work, vertical farms, and green buildings are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion returns to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful links such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: