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Band 3.5

In many parts of the world, large international companies are expanding and opening branches in new markets. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

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Introduction
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 most of the huge
companies
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 have used the
opened
Replace the word
open
 branches in new markets to extend their
brand
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 globally.
while
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 it is
commonly
Add an article
a commonly
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 held belief that
companies
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 are expanding to be
parts
Check wording
part
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 of different cultures.
This
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 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 topic and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand. Commercially, starting new branches in new places can increase the
company
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company's
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 value.
In other words
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, the trademarks will be in front of a various income.
In addition
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, even if they changed the
brand
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 name, the owner will be one.
For example
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, the analysis of Japanese
say
Correct subject-verb agreement
says
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 the rich company is
that
Correct pronoun usage
one that
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 has multiple trademarks. Another benefit,
as a result
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 of the ability to
funding
Wrong verb form
fund
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, the
investments
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investment
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 way can be easy and clear.
that
Capitalize the word
That
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 could
service
Verb problem
serve
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 the
branches
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branch's
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 future.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
It
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it
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 is difficult to consider the
brand
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 fits the new culture of the place.
it
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It
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 is possible to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they should study the plan to take
this
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 step.
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otherwise
Capitalize the word
Otherwise
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,
public
Add an article
the public
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 will ignore them.
For instance
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, McDonald’s
have been
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 changed their structure in South Asia to make Asian societies interested
of
Change preposition
in
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 their
brand
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. Another drawback of
this
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 trend, new
companies
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 may not adopt
this
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 strategy because it requires financial support from investors.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are many advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 trend. On
balanced
Replace the word
balance
,
however
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 my opinion, the benefits are greater when
companies
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 research local markets carefully.
the
Capitalize the word
The
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 varying income sources strategy can
also
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 help keep the top-level
companies
Use synonyms
remain
Verb problem
apply
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financially stable.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the task: you give good points and bad points, and you give your view at the end. However, some ideas are not clear enough. Explain how each point affects the company, local people, or small local shops.
Task response
Use clearer main ideas. For example, a new branch can bring more jobs and give people more choice. On the other side, it can make it hard for small local shops to stay open. These ideas are easy to explain and fit the question well.
Task response
Your example about McDonald’s is useful, but explain it more. Say what it changed, such as food or menus, and why this helped it in South Asia. The example about Japanese companies is too unclear to support your point.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: start, good points, bad points, and end. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one clear main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not link clearly to the next one. Use simple links such as “For example”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “However”. Do not use a full stop after “On one hand”; write “On the one hand,” instead.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long or unclear phrases, such as “the trademarks will be in front of a various income”. Write the meaning in a direct way: “The company can earn money from more than one market.”
Coherence and cohesion
Make your ending shorter and more direct. State your view once, then give the main reason. For example: “Overall, this trend has both good and bad sides, but it is more helpful when firms learn about local needs first.”
Task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of large companies opening branches in new markets.
Task response
You give a clear final view: careful study of local markets can make this trend more helpful.
Coherence and cohesion
The use of separate paragraphs for good points and bad points helps the reader follow your essay.
Coherence and cohesion
You try to support your ideas with examples, especially the McDonald’s example.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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