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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram shows a process of making a storage area from a material called concrete canvas Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The diagram shows a process of making a storage area from a material called concrete canvas Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Introduction The diagram illustrates the process by which a
storage
Use synonyms
 space is constructed from concrete canvas material, outlining the key stages involved in its manufacture. Overview
Overall
Linking Words
, the process consists of eight main steps, beginning with
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing
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 step and culminating in a
storage
Use synonyms
 area. Notably, it involves the seven stages, starting from raw material to a solid concrete
storage
Use synonyms
 place. At the initial stage, a material is formed from
three layered
Correct your spelling
three-layered
 materials (fibrous top surface, dry concrete and waterproof layer).
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
canva
Capitalize the proper name
Canva
show examples
 was unwrapped
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 after being transported to the designated location. Once
this
Linking Words
 stage is complete, the concrete canvas is spread out on the ground around 10 metres and secured with pegs and ropes. In the subsequent stage, with the help of
a
Correct article usage
an
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 air pump, air was pumped into
layer
Add an article
the layer
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 material
Punctuation problem
,
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and
door
Add an article
a door
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 was
also
Linking Words
 made. After pumping the air, water is sprayed on the material
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the height of the arch is 3 metres. Let the arch set for
next
Add an article
the next
show examples
 20–24 hours.
Finally
Linking Words
, a
storage
Use synonyms
 area is manufactured, after which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 is ready for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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storage
Use synonyms
purpose
Check wording
purposes
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.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words storage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the eighth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • process
  • storage area
  • material
  • concrete canvas
  • prepare
  • level
  • compact
  • lay
  • wet
  • activate
  • cement
  • hydrate
  • harden
  • form
  • solid structure
  • edges
  • secure
  • infiltration
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