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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some celebrities say their love lives shouldn’t be under scrutiny in the media. However, other people feel that they should accept this as part of their fame. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

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Introduction
In the era of social media, everyone wants to know what is going on in the lives of the celebrities they like. The decision to share the information of their personal activity in
media
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the media
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 depends on
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 mutual understanding. In general, if we talk specifically about the love beings, most of
famous
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the famous
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 individuals like to keep it in
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 personal space or up to
Use synonyms
thier
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their
 close ones. In my essay, I would love to share two different points of view on
this
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 topic.
Body paragraph 1
First,
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some choose to reveal their relationship status or partner's identity in the media not only to stop spreading fake rumours but
also
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 to connect with
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 loved ones. The advantage of
this
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 could be
enhance
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to enhance
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 the fanbase and
also
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 keep them in the limelight.
For instance
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, if they spot together
while
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traveling
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travelling
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 or in a working places could make their viewers more curious about
whats
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what's
 going on.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 could disclose things they
donot
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do not
 want to come out.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, some popular personalities
loves
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love
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 to stay private
and
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, and
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 for
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this
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this,
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 a proper balance between work and private life is required by them. By doing
this
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, they could easily stay away from the unnecessary controversies or comments from
the
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apply
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unwanted persons. What could be the disadvantage is misjudged by
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thier
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their
 fans
and
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, and
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this
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 might create a negative image
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such
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, such
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 as staying in rumours with different individual does not put good impact on the viewers
especially
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, especially
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 the mid-age viewers.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, both perspectives have their own merits and demerits. As I
disscussed
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discussed
, it could be beneficial for the career and make a clear image in front of
public
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the public
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but
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, but
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also
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 they have some negative impacts on our family.
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However
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However,
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 if
i
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I
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 talk about myself,
i
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I
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 would love
keep
Verb problem
to keep
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 my relationships private. The reason behind
this
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 is
if
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that if
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 any negativity comes towards me, it will not come to my partner or loved ones.

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task response
Discuss both sides more clearly. One side is that famous people should have a private love life. The other side is that fame may bring public interest. State your own view early and support it in each body paragraph.
task response
Make your main ideas more direct. Explain why media reports can harm a partner, such as stress, false stories, or a lack of safety. Then explain why some people think public interest is fair, such as when fame is used to make money.
task response
Use examples that are clear and full. For example, a false story about a singer’s partner can lead to online hate and harm a family. Do not use an unclear example like people seeing a couple at work.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, reasons for privacy, reasons why public interest may be part of fame, and conclusion. Give one main point in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. For example: “Many people believe that famous people’s love lives should stay private.” Then add reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words used in the right way: “However” for the other view, “For example” for an example, and “As a result” for an effect. Avoid moving from one idea to another without a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same point of view. The essay first says sharing is a personal choice, but the question asks if media attention should be accepted as part of fame. Answer that exact question throughout.
task response
You address both views and give your own view in the conclusion.
task response
You include ideas about false stories, public interest, and the need to protect loved ones.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “First”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “To sum up” to show the order of your ideas.
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