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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is often argued that
competition
Use synonyms
 at educational institutes, at offices, and in daily
life
Use synonyms
 is a beneficial thing,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that we should learn to cooperate with
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before explaining why I believe that in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era,
competition
Use synonyms
 is essential in every field of
life
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some people believe that
competition
Use synonyms
 is necessary in almost every discipline of
life
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as academic
institutes
Check wording
institutions
show examples
 and office
works
Check wording
work
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because in
this
Linking Words
 present era, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tough
competition
Use synonyms
 in every task, so we should compete with
othrs
Correct your spelling
others
 to get our
desire
Replace the word
desired
 goals. A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that students in schools and universities face high academic pressure to achieve higher grades in exams.
This
Linking Words
 can enable them to secure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
carrer
Use the right word
career
show examples
 opportunities.
This
Linking Words
 is because nowadays companies prefer those
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
 with excellent academic performance and better professional skills.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others argue that we should learn cooperation in daily tasks. The main reason is that when we support and guide
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
 in different situations,
this
Linking Words
 leads
toward
Change preposition
to
show examples
 better
result
Check wording
results
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in sports, teamwork is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 integral part to get success. When players perform in coordination and support other members,
then
Linking Words
 they
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 win the matches.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, I find the first view more convincing because in
todays
Correct your spelling
today's
 era, there is high
competition
Use synonyms
 in the job market and academic institutes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 success,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is significant to take other people as their competators so we
get
Verb problem
can achieve
show examples
 our
desire
Replace the word
desired
 goals.
Conclusion
To encapsulate, some people argue that
competition
Use synonyms
 is vital in every field of
life
Use synonyms
,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 believe that cooperation is essential to get our goals.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that we should learn
Use synonyms
competition
Change preposition
from competition
show examples
 to
achiveve
Correct your spelling
achieve
 our dreams in daily
life
Use synonyms
, at work, and at school.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why competition is better than cooperation in some cases, and also show that cooperation can still be needed at work and school.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some points need more support. For example, explain how competition may help people work harder, learn new skills, or do better work. Explain why this is more useful than team work in your view.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite general. Add one clear, real-like example, such as two workers trying to get a new job role, or students working hard for a place at a good school.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, your opinion, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. You use 'This is because' many times. Try other simple links, such as 'As a result', 'For this reason', 'In contrast', and 'At the same time'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, move from competition in school to jobs more smoothly. For example, say that good school results can help people get jobs later.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words too often, such as 'competition', 'success', and 'goals'. You can use simple alternatives like 'rivalry', 'doing well', 'aims', or 'results' when they fit.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both sides and state your own view clearly.
task response
The school, job, and sports examples are relevant to the ideas in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly tells the reader what the essay will do.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion restates both views and gives your final position.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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