IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some argue that schools should prioritize life skills such as working in teams and solving problems instead of traditional academics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowdays a lot of people
sure
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are sure
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 that schools need to teach more
some
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apply
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life
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skills
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 like
teamworking
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teamwork
 and
problem solution
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problem-solving
. Basic lessons
such
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 as math, science and history are important, but I believe that
life
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skills
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 are
also
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that
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apply
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important and useful for the
future
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. And
this
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 essay will explain why
so
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apply
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.
Body paragraph 1
Life
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skills
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 like teamworking are important because
Linking Words
this skill
Fix the agreement mistake
these skills
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 prepare our
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student
Check wording
students
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 for
the
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apply
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real
life
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 and
future
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job
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jobs
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. Because
job
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a job
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it
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apply
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is not just about working alone, it is about team projects, collaborations and so on.
For
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example
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example,
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 if
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student
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a student
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 has
this
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skill
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skill,
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 he can be even more successful in
school
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, help other students and make a good career in the
future
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.
Basically
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Basically,
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school
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based on academis
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is based on academics
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 like passing tests
but
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, but
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life
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it
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apply
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is not only
exams
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about exams
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, it is
communication
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about communication
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.
Body paragraph 2
Solving problems is a skill you definitely need in
every day
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everyday
life
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not
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, not
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 only in
job
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a job
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. A lot of students just
memorize
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memorise
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 the information for the exam, but they basically do not know how to find a solution to each problem. If
academic
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academics
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 taught students how to be creative and how to solve
problems
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problems,
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 they would be more professional and successful in the
future
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.
Conclusion
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However
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However,
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 we should continue
teach
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to teach
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 our
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student
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students
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 traditional academic lessons
but
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, but
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also
Linking Words
 we
defenitely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 need to add some soft
skills
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 subjects to
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school
Add an article
the school
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 program. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that schools can change their priority.
School
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program
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programs
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 should find a "balance" between traditional subjects, exams, tests and soft
skills
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 that prepare our
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student
Check wording
students
show examples
 for the challenges in adult
life
Use synonyms
.

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Task response
Your view is clear: schools should keep old subjects but give more time to life skills. Say this more directly in the first part, such as: “I partly agree because both kinds of learning are needed.”
Task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how team work can help at work, and give one full real example. For problem solving, show what a student may do in a hard daily situation.
Task response
The question asks about priority. You say schools should change their priority, but you also say there should be a balance. Make your final view fully clear: should life skills have more time than old subjects, or equal time?
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas smoother with simple words such as “Also”, “For this reason”, and “However”.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid starting many lines with “Because”. Join short ideas into one clear sentence. For example: “Team work is important because most jobs need people to work with others.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use the same words in a clear way. Write “students” when you mean many people, and use “problem solving” instead of changing between “solving problems” and “find a solution” too often.
Coherence and cohesion
Your last part gives a good final idea. Make it stronger by restating your view first, then saying that schools need both old subjects and life skills.
Task response
You answer all main parts of the question and give a clear view that life skills matter for work and adult life.
Task response
Your ideas about team work, jobs, and problem solving are on topic and easy to understand.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each main part has one key idea.
Coherence and cohesion
You use a clear contrast in the last part: old school subjects are still needed, but life skills should be added.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Prioritize
  • Life skills
  • Traditional academics
  • Teamwork
  • Problem-solving
  • Holistic education
  • Real-world challenges
  • Soft skills
  • Intellectual growth
  • Balanced education
  • Comprehensive skill set
  • Core subjects
  • Vocational training
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