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Band 5.5

Economic progress is one way to measure a country’s success. Some people believe that there are other factors should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What are the other factors? Do you think there is a factor that more important than?

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
In the modern world, economic growth has become one way to measure a nation’s
success
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.
However
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, some
people
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 argue that a country’s
success
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 can depend on other factor including healthcare, the
environment
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, and
education
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, with public healthcare playing a crucial role in the development of countries.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several factors that can be used to measure a country's
success
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.
First,
Linking Words
education
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 is essential because it provides residents with the knowledge and important skills to find jobs and contribute to society. A country with a high-quality
education
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 system can develop a skilled workforce and opportunities for employment.
Second,
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the health of the community are essential factors to
society
Check wording
society's
show examples
 development. If
people
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 have access to early medical services, they are
more lively
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healthier
 and have preventive care.
This
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 can reduce the rate of illness and create a healthy lifestyle for
people
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.
In addition
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, a clean
environment
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 is necessary because air and water pollution can affect
people
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's health.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I believe that
people
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’s quality of life is the most important factor.
Although
Linking Words
 economic growth can create more jobs and earn money, it does not always make
people
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 happy and enjoyable.
Additionally
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, the number of
people
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 suffering from depression has increased in the
workplaces
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workplace
show examples
.
Therefore
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, the government not only creates national income but
also
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 ensures that it creates a safe
environment
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 and enough time to enjoy their lives.
For example
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, authorities should build more parks and entertainment centres to help
people
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 relax and reduce stress.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
education
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, healthcare and the
environment
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 are important factors in measuring a country’s
success
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.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
’s health and happiness are more important than economic development.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Name the other ways to judge a country, then clearly say which one is most important and why.
task response
Your main view is clear: health and happiness matter most. Explain this more: healthy and happy people can work, learn, and take part in life.
task response
Use stronger examples. For example, show how free health care can help a sick person get well and go back to work.
task response
Keep your key idea the same. The first part says health care is most important, but the last part says health and happiness are most important. Choose one main factor and stay with it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one idea. In the first body part, education, health, and the environment are all in one place. Give each idea its own short part, or link them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, such as “For this reason”, “As a result”, and “For example”. Do not use “On the one hand” when you are only listing points.
coherence and cohesion
Check some sentences for clear meaning. For example, change “people are more lively and have preventive care” to “people can get care early and stay healthy.”
task response
You give several useful factors: education, health care, and a clean environment.
task response
You state your own view and support it with the idea of parks and places for fun.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and ending clearly show the main topic and your view.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “First”, “Second”, “In addition”, and “For example” helps guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic progress
  • societal well-being
  • quality of life
  • healthcare accessibility
  • educational standards
  • innovation
  • environmental preservation
  • sustainable practices
  • political stability
  • governance
  • social equality
  • human rights protection
  • technological advancements
  • inclusive
  • ethical foundation
  • innovative edge
  • global technological progress
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