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Band 4.5

Economic progress is one way to measure a country’s success. Some people believe that there are other factors should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What are the other factors? Do you think there is a factor that more important than?

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Introduction
There are different views on whether the economic development is a platform to estimate one’s nation property or there is alter factors that should be weigh up when it comes to the success of a country. I’m inclined to side with the latter view that
education
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 and health-care systems are
also
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 a crucial key that enables a country to continuously thrive.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, proponents of
education
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 may argue that it would give a nation chances to support
with
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apply
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the acquisition of
specialized
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specialised
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 knowledge and
expose
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exposure
 to future employment opportunities. The first and for most, offering advanced programs into official lessons encourages pupils to perceive knowledge about their majors, which can be beneficial for students who wants to chase long-term studying path. Through facilitating them to engage in
such
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academically
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an academic
 environment, it is a great way for class participants to generate their own specific understanding and apply them into actual
labor works
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labour work
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.
Last
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 but not least, learning can
also
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 serve as a means of job opportunities that assists students who are chasing
education
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 in order to help them gain various employment requirements that demands achievements.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I personally assume that a factor
that is
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 more important than economic development is health-care system. When high quality health care is prioritized, their mental and physical conditions will be improved, highlighting the fact that people will live longer and at the same time, the number of labors will increase substantially. By putting health
into the
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apply
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first,
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the states support them with an
abundant
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abundance
 of public well-being services and
welfares
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welfare
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, which raises the awareness of mutual dedication and partly ensures that they will be
pleasured
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pleased
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 and approachable with those infrastructure offers.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 there are certain arguments for these ideas, I am convinced that
education
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 and health care systems can play imperative roles in enhancing the quality of life, which can be measured as the success of a country. If authorities cultivate these factors stronger, residents' lives will be improved considerably as they are the key to a nation’s growth.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Name the other ways to judge a country, then clearly say which one is the most important.
task response
Your main view is not fully clear. The start says education and health care are both key, but the next part says health care is more important. State this choice clearly in the first paragraph.
task response
Give real, clear examples. For example, a country with good hospitals can help people live longer and work more. A country with good schools can help young people get skilled jobs.
task response
Explain each main point with a simple chain: point, why it matters, and result for the country. Avoid ideas that are too general or hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph on education, one paragraph on health care as the most important factor, then a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main idea. The education paragraph moves between school subjects, study plans, and jobs without a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words with a clear job: “First”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “However”. Do not add linkers when the next idea does not follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make key words stay the same. Use “country”, “people”, “education”, and “health care” more often instead of unclear words such as “them”, “their”, or “states”.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion should repeat your exact answer: economic growth is useful, but health care is the most important measure because it protects people’s lives and well-being.
task response
You address economic growth, education, and health care, so your essay stays on the main topic.
task response
You give a clear reason for health care: it can improve people’s physical and mental health and help them live longer.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two main body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic progress
  • societal well-being
  • quality of life
  • healthcare accessibility
  • educational standards
  • innovation
  • environmental preservation
  • sustainable practices
  • political stability
  • governance
  • social equality
  • human rights protection
  • technological advancements
  • inclusive
  • ethical foundation
  • innovative edge
  • global technological progress
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