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Band 4.5

the graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in melbourne, australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

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the graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in melbourne, australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
Ths
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This
 chart
provieds
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provides
 the data regarding the
pepole
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people
 involved in several activities at one of Melbourne,
Australia
Check wording
Australia's
show examples
 social
centre
Check wording
centres
show examples
 between 2000
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the film club activity was the most popular throughout the period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the table
tennis’
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tennis
show examples
line
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 experienced a
siginificant
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significant
 rise,
while
Linking Words
 the amateur
dramatics’
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dramatics
show examples
line
Use synonyms
 dropped sharply.
In addition
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 musical performances had been introduced in 2005. First of all, the film club’s
line
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 has a
magrinal
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marginal
 fluctuation؛
however
Linking Words
, the number of participants
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period was almost the same in 2000.
Likwise
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Likewise
, the martial arts’
line
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. Despite some minor fluctuations, the
fiqure
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figure
 of martial arts stood at 35 in 2020
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was the same as in 2020.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the musical performances’
line
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 had a substantial climb until it reached about 20 participants in 2020, even though it
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
started in 2005
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 zero
.
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participants.
show examples
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 table
tennis’
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tennis
show examples
line
Use synonyms
 after a
time
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period
show examples
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stability at 20
there
Punctuation problem
, there
show examples
 was a
gradual
Punctuation problem
gradual,
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 consistent growth
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 in 2010 till it reached its
peaked
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peak
around 55 in 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the amateur dramatics’
line
Use synonyms
 had plunged rapidly from 25 to 5 throughout the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words line with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • social centre
  • comparison
  • trends
  • consistently popular
  • gained popularity
  • lost popularity
  • community interest
  • availability of facilities
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • external events
  • economic downturns
  • health crises
  • demographic changes
  • aging population
  • marketing
  • community outreach programs
  • participation rates
  • Melbourne
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