IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

*some people believe that studying abroad is more beneficial than studying in their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?*

2.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
More and more
people
Use synonyms
 think that external study is considered to be more advantageous than studying in their own country. In my opinion, I believe that studying abroad is more beneficial for tow reason. First
or
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 know
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 new
culture
Check wording
cultures
show examples
 and they take
from them more information
Correct word order
more information from them
show examples
. In fact, when
people
Use synonyms
 mix
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
other
Punctuation problem
other,
show examples
 be their explore
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new
moral
Replace the word
morals
 and
behaviour
Check wording
behaviours
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 person go way from his family,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 more beneficial. A study published by New York University in 2013 concluded that 90% of
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prefer
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 because
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
 development.
Therefore
Linking Words
, studying abroad is much better. In addiction, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 depended for your
self
Use synonyms
 in
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
everything. What I mean
people
Use synonyms
 depend on
clean
Add an article
a clean
show examples
 home and
cook
Wrong verb form
cooking
show examples
 by
your
Fix the agreement mistake
themselves
show examples
self
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when experience live far
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 his family will observe that.
For example
Linking Words
, my sister moved to
other
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
 city because
her
Change preposition
of her
show examples
 job
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I saw that in for his personality,
befor
Correct your spelling
before
this
Linking Words
was depend
Wrong verb form
depended
show examples
 on my mom and my dad, but after that get depend on
her
Correct your spelling
herself
self
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 discover
them selfs
Correct your spelling
themselves
 when
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 far on his family and country. In conclusion, I believe that studying abroad is more beneficial
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
because discover
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
new cultures from many countries and explore more
thim
Correct your spelling
about oneself
self
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view in one clear sentence. Then give two main reasons and explain each one fully. Your ideas about new culture and living alone are useful, but they need more detail.
task response
Stay close to the question about study. Explain how study in another country can help with class work, language, or future work. Do not only write about living far from family.
task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. The example about your sister is easy to understand, but it is about a job, not study. Use an example of a student if you can.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: start with your view, write one body part about new culture, write one body part about being able to do things alone, then end with your view again.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. For example: “First, students can learn about new ways of life.” Then explain it and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in the right way. “First,” “For example,” “Also,” and “In conclusion” can help. Do not use “Although” when there is no opposite idea after it.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence clear and complete. For example, write “People can learn about a new culture” instead of “people know on new culture.” This will make your ideas easier to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion that study in another country is better.
task response
You include two useful ideas: learning about new cultures and learning to do things alone.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “First,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.”
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: