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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that competition at work,at school and in daily life is agood thing.Others believe that we should try to cooperate more,rather thancompeting against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your ownknowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is often believed that competing with others at work or
while
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 studying is a positive thing,
whereas
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 others argue that
people
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 should work together
instead
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 of trying to outperform each other. In my view, competition can give
people
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 passion for what they are doing, but cooperation is more effective and enjoyable when solving problems.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, competition can be a powerful source of motivation. Many
people
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 learn to compete from childhood through playing games, and nobody wants to lose.
This
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 desire to win continues into adulthood, motivating employees to compete for promotions and companies to compete for a better reputation.
For example
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, a student who has no interest in school subjects may become more engaged when their teacher offers a small prize to whoever participates most in class.
As a result
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, students become motivated to learn, knowing there is a reward for the winner.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, cooperation helps
people
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 solve problems
while
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also
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 building social connections. Nowadays, more and more
people
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 suffer from social anxiety, which can lead them to struggle to speak up for themselves and to overthink everyday situations. Working in a team gives them a safe and structured way to interact, because there is always a shared task to discuss.
For example
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, a shy student who is placed in a group project may gradually gain the confidence to share ideas with classmates.
As a result
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, the group benefits from more ideas, and the student develops social skills that will help them in the future.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 competition can motivate
people
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 to work harder, I believe cooperation is more valuable
overall
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. It allows
people
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 to solve problems more effectively and helps those who struggle socially to build confidence.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, add one more reason why working together is better, such as people can share skills and finish hard work faster.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your main ideas. You could make them more real by adding a little more detail about the school, work, or task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end. Each part stays on one main idea, so it is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
You use links such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “As a result” well. Try not to use “As a result” in both main parts; use other links too, such as “This means that” or “Because of this”.
coherence and cohesion
The second main part moves from working together to social fear. This is a good point, but first say more clearly how working together helps solve work or school problems, then add social skills as an extra good result.
task response
Your own view is clear from the start and stays the same until the end: working together is more useful overall.
task response
The prize example and the group work example both help show your ideas in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow: competition first, working together next, then your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and ending match well, which gives the essay a strong shape.
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