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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some sociologists argue that the widespread proliferation of algorithms and automated decision-making in the judicial and financial systems eliminates human bias and guarantees fairness. Others, contend that these technological systems merely entrench and perpetuate systemic societal inequalities.

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Introduction
Some social scientists believe that the global proliferation of automated
systems
Use synonyms
 in the legal and banking institutions reduces human bias and ensures fairness.
However
Linking Words
, others suggest that these technological programs just reinforce and maintain social discrimination.
Body paragraph 1
Automated
systems
Use synonyms
 make decisions without emotional responses, which may influence financial or judicial tasks more fairly. The program based on not spiritual creature tends to carry out tasks accurately.
Also
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, the algorithms can’t judge the situation
according to
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 their own values or principles. these reason may help to avoid human emotional flaws,
such
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 as lies, and inspire confidence.
For example
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, in a bank, the computer
system
Use synonyms
 distributes loans fairly to the poor people,
due to
Linking Words
 automated data tasks. It tends to have a good impact on citizens’ living conditions and their trust in the city's
authorities
Check wording
authority
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systems
Use synonyms
. So , the artificial
system
Use synonyms
 has no emotional biases, which permits
to make the
Wrong verb form
making
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 accurate
decision
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decisions
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 in the court based on the laws
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and the bank data
systems
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.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, the other part of sociologists argues that the technological
systems
Use synonyms
 may cause inequality .
Due to
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 one established algorithm , the
systems
Use synonyms
 usually consider similar cases equally, which might lead to miscalculations or unfair decisions.
Also
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, the
system
Use synonyms
 might be changed by
human
Add an article
a human
show examples
, who might put unfair data into it.
For instance
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, in the court, the
system
Use synonyms
 might follow its predefined algorithms wrongly and deliver an incorrect sentence,
due to
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 the incapacity to consider the individual circumstances fully.
As a result
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, the possibility of a misleading decision-maker may not be the most trustworthy way for unique cases.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the automated decision-maker may have a good impact on people’s trust and fairly distribute finances to them.
While
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 the idea of not using artificial innovation is based on a misunderstanding of personal cases. In my opinion, the
computerized
Change the spelling
computerised
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system
Use synonyms
 may help in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both aspects, but should be checked by people and tested for accuracy.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view at the end. To make your answer stronger, state your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it clear in each body paragraph.
task response
Explain why each point is true in more detail. For example, say that a system can copy unfair past bank or court data, so it may treat some groups unfairly.
task response
Your bank example is useful, but it needs more detail. Explain what data the system uses, how it gives a loan, and why this may or may not be fair.
task response
Be careful with claims such as computers giving loans fairly to poor people. A bank must check income, debt, and ability to pay. Give a more real example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea, then add reasons and one example. Some sentences now repeat the same point about emotions or fairness.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Write “However,” not “Nevertheless, the other part of sociologists.” Also avoid “So ,” with a space before the comma.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence of each paragraph clearly link back to the main point. This will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear words for the subject. Instead of changing between “program,” “system,” “algorithm,” and “artificial system,” choose one or two words and use them in a clear way.
task response
You answer the main question by looking at both the good and bad sides of automated decisions.
task response
Your own view is sensible: these systems can help, but people should check them.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are in a logical order, and the ending gives a clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples from banks and courts, which makes the topic easier to understand.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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