Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand Humans life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Some individuals think that using electronic
gadets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
is deterimental for health of users. I firmly agree with
this
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notion that playing
video
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games
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
not exclusively damage health but
also
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takes our
essentiel
Correct your spelling
essential
time
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, engaging in
video
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gaming for all
time
Use synonyms
could be unproductive. Many
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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spend their
time
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front
Change preposition
in front
show examples
of
screen
Add an article
the screen
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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can
weak
Verb problem
weaken
show examples
their
eye-vision
Correct your spelling
eyesight
, create depression and increase obesity.
Furthermore
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,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
while
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studying they might not be able
properly
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to properly
show examples
concentrate on their studies and become restless during
day
Add an article
the day
show examples
and night cause of OCD
of the
Change preposition
related to
show examples
video
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games
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, in the
researche
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research
of
scientist
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scientists
show examples
, they said those people are highly
connencted
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connected
with digital tools and electronic
screen
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screens
show examples
. Ultimately,they are
calling
Verb problem
referring
show examples
to diseases which can be harmful for cognitive system.
Moreover
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, participating
online
Change preposition
in online
show examples
gamming
Correct your spelling
gaming
has always
negative
Verb problem
had negative
show examples
effects of thinking process of
seniors
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seniors'
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or
juniors brain
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juniors' brains
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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,
time
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is playing
pivotal
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a pivotal
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role in
everyones
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everyone's
show examples
life
,
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;
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if people spent 70% of their daily
time
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front
Change preposition
in front
show examples
of play stations can
effects on
Use the right word
affect
show examples
their daily tasks.
Instead
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of wasting
time
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while
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playing on screen, they can utilised on another ways
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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as
play another
Wrong verb form
playing other
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extracurricular
actvites
Correct your spelling
activities
and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
new skills. In
this
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digital era,
everyting
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everything
is changing in
second
Check wording
seconds
show examples
. Learning new skills
according to
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generation
highly
Verb problem
is highly
show examples
benefical
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beneficial
for
younsters
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youngsters
.
For example
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,
video
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games
Use synonyms
is wastage of
time
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for society. They could manage their
time
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for relaxation and exercise to enhance their
live style
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lifestyle
.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion,
palying
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playing
video
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for
Check wording
games for
show examples
players is
also
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a activtes which is making their
brain
Check wording
brains
show examples
relax. People can earn money from
but
Correct pronoun usage
it, but
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
if they are playing moderate and accurate way. Fix a certain
time
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limit and manage all other important daily work.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
time
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and health
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
always essentiel part of
humans
Correct word choice
human
show examples
life. Playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
like an addict can lead to dangerous zones.

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task response
Your essay does not answer the given question. The question asks about lessons from the past and history, but your essay is about video games. Read the question again and make every main idea about history and life today.
task response
Discuss both sides clearly. Explain why some people think the past cannot help us now, then explain why others think history can help us. Give your own view clearly.
task response
Use real and clear examples about history. For example, past wars can teach people about peace, and past health problems can help us deal with new health risks.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, the main parts do not match the topic, so the full essay does not flow well.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea for each body part. Start with a topic sentence, explain it, and then give one example. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in the right way: 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'In my view'. Do not use too many links in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your opinion in one clear place, such as the end of the introduction and the conclusion. Make sure it is about history, not games.
task response
You give a clear personal view in your essay and try to support it with reasons about health and time.
coherence and cohesion
You use a basic essay shape with an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'For example', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • valuable source of information
  • human behavior
  • governance
  • social structures
  • cultural heritage
  • historical awareness
  • modern society
  • technological advancements
  • medical advancements
  • economic patterns
  • financial decisions
  • historical conflicts
  • contemporary situations
  • rapid technological changes
  • relevant
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