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Band 4.5

The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that the most significant
role
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
music
Use synonyms
that aids
Verb problem
is to aid
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to decrease
stress
Use synonyms
. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement when songs can play a vital
role
Use synonyms
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 quieter than before listening to them.
However
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 play
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important
role
Use synonyms
to enhance
Change preposition
in enhancing
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
relationships
Use synonyms
 with each other when it becomes
activity
Add an article
an activity
show examples
oftentimes
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can benefit from
listining
Correct your spelling
listening
 to
music
Use synonyms
 most when it is way to be quieter than before. Oftentimes,
people
Use synonyms
 can have special ceremonies or events that make them stressful. These events can be important for them
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
exams
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, they can have anxious ideas that affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their performance during
exams
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 can deal with
this
Linking Words
stress
Use synonyms
 differently. Here,
music
Use synonyms
 can play a significant
role
Use synonyms
 to decrease
people
Use synonyms
's
stress
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, some experiments showed that
people
Use synonyms
 who
listening
Wrong verb form
listen
show examples
 to
music
Use synonyms
 during stressful times can be quieter than before listening to
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
because
Verb problem
is because
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 can reduce
people
Use synonyms
's
stress
Use synonyms
 hormones. One of these experiments was on students before their
exams
Use synonyms
 when students
divided
Verb problem
were divided
show examples
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 two groups.
Then
Linking Words
 there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a group
was
Correct pronoun usage
that was
show examples
 listening to
mozart
Capitalize the proper name
Mozart
show examples
music
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the other one did not listen to any
music
Use synonyms
 at all.
As a result
Linking Words
, the group who did listen to
mozart
Capitalize the proper name
Mozart
show examples
 had higher grades in their
exams
Use synonyms
 than others. So,
people
Use synonyms
 can listen to
music
Use synonyms
 for different reasons, but the beneficial one
becomes
Verb problem
is
show examples
 to reduce their
stress
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 oftentimes can be
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 activity to enhance
relationships
Use synonyms
 between
people
Use synonyms
. Sometimes, older
people
Use synonyms
 may not have any similar activities to do with young
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can happen when both come from different generations and
preferances
Correct your spelling
preferences
.
Then
Linking Words
, they may not spend time to do activities with each other.
As a result
Linking Words
, those
people
Use synonyms
's
relationships
Use synonyms
 with each other may not
intimate
Verb problem
be intimate
show examples
. Fortunately, there are songs they can prefer to listen to
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from the same singer.
For example
Linking Words
,
Snopp
Correct your spelling
Snoop
 Dogg
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
 has been a rapper from the 90s until now. So, as a family, if a father was listening to
this
Linking Words
 singer, his son would maybe share
him
Change preposition
with him
show examples
also
Linking Words
. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 rapper has made songs until now. They can share
this
Linking Words
 together and
also
Linking Words
 attend his concerts.
This
Linking Words
 can improve their relationship with each other.
Concequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, they can spend more time together than before and have the same
preferances
Correct your spelling
preferences
.
Conclusion
Lastely
Correct your spelling
Lastly
,
music
Use synonyms
 can be important to reduce
stress
Use synonyms
 and make
people
Use synonyms
 quieter than before listening to it. So,
this
Linking Words
 can be the most beneficial purpose
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it when
people
Use synonyms
 become quieter when they need to be in important events
such
Linking Words
 as
exams
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can improve their performance. But, I partly agree
when
Correct word choice
that
show examples
also
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 can
enhance
Rephrase
also enhance
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
relationships
Use synonyms
 with each
other
Punctuation problem
other,
show examples
 especially if they are from different generations. So, they can find activities to share together
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is about
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
 singer they prefer to listen to
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
together.
Then
Linking Words
, if they were parents and their children, their
relationships
Use synonyms
 would be closer with
this
Linking Words
.

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task response
Your view is clear: you partly agree. However, explain more clearly why stress help is the most important role, even if music also helps people become close. This will make your answer more direct.
task response
Develop each main idea with a simple chain: point, reason, example, result. In the first body part, the exam example is useful, but the study needs clearer facts and a clearer link to your main point.
task response
The second body part is relevant, but it should say more about why building close ties is as important as, or less important than, reducing stress. At present, this comparison is not fully explained.
task response
Use careful examples. Instead of saying that a study showed higher exam marks, explain that calm music may help some students feel less worried before an exam. This is easier to support.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words such as “Then”, “So”, and “As a result” appear many times. Use them only when the next sentence is truly a result.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences smoother. For example, first state the problem of stress, then say how music helps, and then give the exam example.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea and words, such as “quieter than before” and “with each other”. Use short, direct sentences to make the meaning easier to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic: music can reduce stress and can help people build close ties.
task response
Your examples about exams, parents, and children are related to your ideas and help show what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall order, with an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “For example”, to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • music
  • stress
  • calm
  • relax
  • mood
  • worry
  • sleep
  • focus
  • study
  • work
  • health
  • wellbeing
  • joy
  • happy
  • culture
  • group
  • identity
  • memory
  • help
  • sound
  • song
  • beat
  • tempo
  • loud
  • quiet
  • tune
  • concert
  • expression
  • meaning
  • life
  • daily
  • people
  • feel
  • breath
  • heart rate
  • relief
  • energy
  • connection
  • bond
  • social
  • story
  • idea
  • habit
  • practice
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