IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Every individual has to follow some rules and regulations set up by society. There is an ongoing debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 youngsters should obey the
traditions
Use synonyms
 created by society or they should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to learn to manage themselves. I strongly believe that they should be guided by
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 parents to follow the social rules
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 without being excessively pressured.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, individuals think that the younger generation should follow the social norms because discipline needs to be inculcated from a very young age among them. Once
children
Use synonyms
 grow up, it is difficult to change their habits or routine.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is vital to start teaching them customs early so that it becomes a part of their life later.
However
Linking Words
, parents should not do it forcefully
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 a friendly environment should be given to youngsters to learn their
tradition
Check wording
traditions
show examples
. When
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation follows local
traditions
Use synonyms
 and customs, it helps preserve the culture of that place as well.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that immature minds should be free so that they can develop
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of managing themselves in life.
This
Linking Words
 is because freedom assists in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent
learning
Punctuation problem
learning,
show examples
 where
children
Use synonyms
 tend to learn more productively without any guidance. Some people want to keep their
children
Use synonyms
 away from societal pressure so that their brain develops properly. For them,
traditions
Use synonyms
 can be introduced later in life once
children
Use synonyms
 learn to be self-responsible.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, every child should be aware of customs and
traditions
Use synonyms
 from an early age to preserve
culture
Add an article
the culture
show examples
 of the place. I do not support any kind of
judgement
Correct your spelling
judgment
 or enforcement of any strict rules; there needs to be a friendly environment to introduce
such
Linking Words
 learning.
Conclusion
To summarise, it is important to learn
value
Add an article
the value
show examples
 of tradition and culture for youth as long as it is not forceful or rigid. Parents should introduce these habits from an early age so that it becomes a part of their lives later.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why freedom can help young people and why some rules are still needed.
Task response
Use one or two real examples. For example, young people can join family events to keep old customs, but they can choose their own job, clothes, or hobbies.
Task response
Be careful with the idea that young people need no help to learn well. This is too wide. Say that they need some freedom, with help from parents when needed.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first view, second view, your view, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the link between each point more direct. For example, after saying that rules teach discipline, explain how this helps young people in daily life.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about teaching customs early in the first body part, your view, and the ending. Add a new point instead, such as respect for older people or family ties.
Coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences can be split into two shorter ones. This will make your meaning clearer. For example: “Parents should not force children. They should create a kind and open home.”
Task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and clearly state your own view.
Task response
Your main view is balanced. You support traditions, but you also say young people should not face too much pressure.
Coherence and cohesion
Each main idea has its own paragraph, and the ending clearly brings your view together.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear linking words such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, “However”, and “To summarise”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: