some people think that young people playing electronic and computer games is helpful while others think it is a waste of time. Is this positive or negative?
Nowadays, playing electronic and PC
games
as a form of entertainment is popularizing at young ages. On the other side, some believe that playing games
is time-consuming and wasting money. I agree with the opinion that it is better for young people to avoid playing video games
.
It is crucial to understand that personal computer games
can make children easily addicted to them. For example
, some young people can play games
for five to six hours per day instead
of burning the midnight oil or attending a distance learning course. As a result
, their academic performance cannot improve and they might become addicted to electronic games
. Therefore
, avoiding the data processor game plays an essential part in developing an individual's self.
Despite having drawbacks, video games
contain many benefits in reducing stress-related diseases. It should be known that games
can contribute to increasing dopamine and limiting serious health problems. Consequently
, you will eliminate significant health issues if you play games
in a reasonable time. This
point may be true, but adolescents are beginning to overuse it, so it can be harmful to them.
The writer believes that teenagers must take responsibility for playing electronic games
. This
is due to
the fact that being responsible that youngsters spend their free time on games
wisely. As a consequence
, children should manage their time and control themselves to avoid being affected by the negative face of desktop computer games
.
Thus
, limiting data processor games
are vital points that need to be considered. Hence
, it should have been demonstrated that electronic games
have both pros and cons, so you can have many benefits by playing games
if you use them reasonablySubmitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs and the connections within them. For example, make sure each paragraph clearly links back to your main argument and transitions smoothly to the next point.
task achievement
Work on introducing more varied and specific examples to back up your points. While you did provide some examples, offering more concrete or diverse ones will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Although you have a clear introduction and conclusion, these sections could be more impactful. In your introduction, clearly state your main argument, and in the conclusion, succinctly summarize your key points while reinforcing your stance on the issue.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced view before you present your own opinion. This approach strengthens your discussion.
task achievement
You show a solid understanding of the topic by acknowledging the potential benefits of video games before arguing against them. This balanced perspective adds depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your points are generally well-organized within each paragraph, and your main argument is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.