IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that governments should invest more money in public transport rather than building new roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, investment in
transport
Use synonyms
 infrastructure has become a widely debated issue in modern society. Some
people
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 argue that the government should put more money
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 public
transport
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, rather than investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 new
roads
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will support my opinion with relevant arguments and examples.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the most compelling
reason
Check wording
reasons
show examples
 for supporting
this
Linking Words
 view is that public
transport
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 has become the most reliable and convenient means of
transport
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.
This
Linking Words
 is largely because
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
efficient public
transport
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 can reduce traffic congestion and air pollution.
For example
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, travelling by
train
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 or bus can reduce a significant amount of stress as we do not need to worry about
rush-hours
Correct your spelling
rush hours
.
In other words
Linking Words
, scheduling the time is way
more easy
Replace the word
easier
 when using public
transport
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, thereby
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 us feel relief compare when driving our own car.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason why I strongly support
this
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 position is the cost. Take
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train
Add an article
the train
show examples
 as an example. Travelling to Edinburgh by
train
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 is a lot cheaper than travelling by car. What’s more, the escalating cost of fuel can
also
Linking Words
 affect
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people budget
Check wording
people's budgets
show examples
.
Consequently
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, more and more
people
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 prefer using
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train
Add an article
the train
show examples
 or bus as the main means of
transport
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.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, a small percentage of
people
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 believe that the government should pay more attention
on
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to
show examples
 building new
roads
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are
people
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 who love walking, I believe that investing more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
roads
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 rather than
transport
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it’s
Correct pronoun usage
is
show examples
 not the best idea.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some hold the view that investing
on
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in
show examples
 new
roads
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 is a good decision, I firmly feel that the government should allocate more funding to public
transport
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. Personally, I consider that idea
is
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 a more effective long-term solution.

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task response
Make your main view clear and keep it the same all through the essay. You agree that more money should go to public transport, so explain why this is better than new roads in each main part.
task response
Develop each point more fully. For example, explain how better buses and trains can lead to fewer cars, less traffic, and cleaner air. Then explain why new roads may not solve traffic for long.
task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. The train trip to Edinburgh is useful, but add more detail, such as how a fast, low-cost train can help many people travel without using cars.
task response
The paragraph about the other view is not clear. It says some people want new roads, but then talks about people who like walking. Explain the other view directly: new roads may help places with few bus or train links.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main points, an other-view paragraph, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one clear idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'Firstly', 'For example', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' help the reader, but the ideas after them must connect clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. For example, rewrite 'thereby make us feel relief compare when driving our own car' as 'This can make travel less stressful than driving a car.'
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words too often, such as 'public transport' and 'investing'. You can also use 'buses and trains', 'these services', 'spend money on', or 'give funding to'.
task response
You clearly state your view in the introduction and repeat it in the conclusion.
task response
You give two useful reasons for your view: less traffic and lower travel costs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraphs in a clear order, so the reader can see your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words to show order and contrast.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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