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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that the legal age for driving should be raised to twenty-one in order to reduce road accidents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Teenage motorists appear in accident statistics far more often than any other group, and some governments have responded by proposing that nobody should hold a licence before the age of twenty-one.
While
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 I accept that older drivers tend to be safer, I largely disagree with
this
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 view, because the problem lies in inexperience rather than youth itself, and better training would protect the public more fairly.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, the case for a higher limit is not without merit. Teenagers are more likely to take risks, drive too fast and ignore seat belts. In Casablanca,
for instance
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, doctors at the main emergency hospital report that most motorcycle injuries they treat involve riders under twenty who were speeding. Closely linked to
this
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 is the pressure of friends, since a teenager with a car full of passengers is far more likely to show off than one travelling alone. Many weekend crashes on the coastal road near Rabat,
for example
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, involve groups of young friends in a single car.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, raising the limit would create new problems and solve none. The most important reason is that a twenty-one-year-old who has never driven is just as inexperienced as a seventeen-year-old. The dangerous first months on the road are merely delayed, not removed.
Moreover
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, in rural areas with no buses or trains, a licence is the only way to reach work or college. A young person in the Atlas villages may lose a job simply because the law forbids her to drive to it. In my view,
therefore
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, the better solution is a graduated licence. New drivers would spend their first year with a nighttime curfew and a cap on passengers, and,
consequently
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, gain experience under conditions where mistakes are less likely to be fatal.
Conclusion
In conclusion, teenage motorists do cause more accidents, yet the reason is a lack of practice rather than youth. On balance, governments should keep the current limit and make the first year of driving safer
instead
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.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same to the end. You show why a higher age may help, then explain why training and a step-by-step licence may work better. To make this even stronger, say more about how the new licence rules would cut crashes.
task response
Your examples fit your main points well. Make sure that facts about hospitals or crash reports are clearly given as examples, not as facts that need proof. You could use one short made-up case to show how a new driver may learn safely.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear path: opening, one side, your side, and a short end. Each paragraph has one main job, so it is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as 'Admittedly', 'Nevertheless', 'Moreover', and 'therefore', guide the reader well. In a few places, use shorter links like 'Also' or 'So' to keep the style smooth and direct.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph sums up your main view well. You could make the final line a little more direct by naming the step-by-step licence again, so the reader clearly remembers your answer.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a clear, fair view. You accept that young people may take more risks, but you explain why age alone is not the main cause.
task response
The idea that the first months of driving are risky at any age is strong and well explained. It directly supports your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly states your view and gives two reasons for it, which helps the reader know what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
The move from the other side to your own view is clear. The final paragraph brings the ideas together in a natural way.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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