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Writing Samples
Band 9

Globalisation means that people around the world increasingly share the same culture, products and entertainment. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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Introduction
A teenager in Casablanca today may eat the same burger, watch the same series and wear similar trainers to one in Chicago or Seoul.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the two main benefits of
this
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 growing cultural similarity, easier communication and wider opportunity, before considering two serious drawbacks, the loss of local traditions and the dominance of a few powerful nations.
Body paragraph 1
The most obvious advantage of a shared global culture is that people understand one another more easily. When English, international films and common brands reach every country, a Moroccan engineer can work with a Japanese team without months of adjustment, and,
consequently
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, business, science and travel all move faster. Closely linked to
this
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 is the opportunity it creates for individuals. A designer in Marrakech,
for instance
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, can now sell her work to customers in Europe through the same online platforms that her competitors use, something that was impossible when markets were purely local.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, the costs of
this
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 convergence are considerable. The most serious is the slow disappearance of traditions that took centuries to develop. In Morocco,
for example
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, young people increasingly celebrate Halloween and Valentine's Day
while
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 knowing little about the songs and crafts of their grandparents, and once a language or a skill is no longer passed on, it is gone for good.
Moreover
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, the global culture that spreads is not a fair mixture of all nations but largely the product of a few wealthy ones. American films, music and fast food reach every corner of the world,
whereas
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 the art of smaller countries rarely travels in the other direction, so what is called global is in practice the taste of the strongest.
Conclusion
In conclusion, a more uniform world culture makes cooperation easier and opens markets to people everywhere.
However
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, it
also
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 erodes the traditions that give each community its identity and allows a handful of powerful countries to shape the habits of everyone else.

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task response
Keep this clear four-part plan: two good points, two bad points, and a short end. To make the answer even stronger, you could say a little more about how people can keep local art and ways of life while still taking part in the world.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and well explained. The examples from Morocco, Japan, Europe, and the US are on point. In a new essay, make sure each example is as real and clear as these ones.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is very easy to follow. Each part has one clear job, and the order of ideas makes sense. Keep using clear start words such as 'Nevertheless', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion', but do not use too many of them.
coherence and cohesion
Links inside the parts work very well. For an even more natural flow, you can sometimes join ideas with simple words like 'so', 'but', and 'because' rather than always using longer link words.
task response
You fully answer both sides of the question. The good points are easier talk and more chances for work, while the bad points are the loss of local ways and the power of rich countries.
task response
The details support your points well. The work team, online shop, local songs and crafts, and world films and food all help show what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what will come next, and the end brings the main ideas together in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part stays on one point. This gives the essay a smooth, clear path from start to end.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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