IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Prevention is better than cure.” Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
In recent years, incurable
diseases
Use synonyms
 have become an increasingly debated issue, particularly as they continue to have a great impact on people’s lives. It is often argued that it is better to invest in preventing these
diseases
Use synonyms
 rather than doing research or providing proper treatment. I firmly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view, primarily because with the advancement of technology, it is much easier to find a cure, and
also
Linking Words
, preventing
diseases
Use synonyms
 doesn’t always mean curing them. The following paragraphs will examine the main reasons supporting
this
Linking Words
 position,
along with
Linking Words
 relevant examples.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the most compelling reasons for supporting
this
Linking Words
 view is that nowadays, we are surrounded by modern technology, and everything has become easier compared to a decade ago. So, it is not difficult to find a solution for any medical condition or illness.
For example
Linking Words
, COVID-19 was a very dangerous virus, and the only safe option at that time was vaccination.
This
Linking Words
 is largely because a large number of people, including people of all ages, were not 100% safe
while
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 taking only medicines.
As a result
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, research into vaccines was extremely important. Thereby, a lot of lives were saved through treatment and research.
Body paragraph 2
Another significant reason why I strongly support
this
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 position is that some forms of medical conditions are aggressive, and it is not always possible to prevent them. Take autoimmune
diseases
Use synonyms
 as an example. Autoimmune
diseases
Use synonyms
 are more often found in genes rather than developed later in life.
This
Linking Words
 can be attributed to the fact that prevention is not always possible.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
diseases
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as cancer that cannot be cured. What’s more,
this
Linking Words
 condition can only be prevented by early examinations and detection.
Consequently
Linking Words
, prevention is the only option in
this
Linking Words
 case.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are a small number of illnesses that cannot be cured and need to be prevented, I still believe that investing in cures and treatments is essential.

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task response
Make your main view fully clear and keep it the same all the way through. You say you disagree, but one body part says prevention is the only option for cancer. Explain why treatment and research should still get more money overall.
task response
Answer the full question about cost and money. Compare the value of prevention with the value of research and treatment. Say why one should get more public money.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. For example, explain how research can help people who already have a disease, and why prevention cannot stop every illness.
task response
Be more careful with facts. Do not say that any illness can be solved easily, or that cancer cannot be cured. Use softer words such as “some” and “may” when a fact is not true for all cases.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear plan: introduction, two body parts that support your view, one short part that shows the other side, and a conclusion. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put the cancer point in a clear “other side” paragraph, then answer it. For example: prevention can find cancer early, but research and treatment are still needed for people who have it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Thereby” does not fit well in the first body part. Simple links such as “because,” “however,” “for example,” and “as a result” will be clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeated general ideas about modern technology. Start each body part with one direct main idea, then give one example and explain how it supports your view.
task response
You give a clear view in the introduction and return to it in the conclusion.
task response
The COVID-19 example is linked to research and treatment, so it helps show your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and several linking words, which helps the reader follow the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • proactive
  • preventive measures
  • lifestyle diseases
  • public health
  • healthcare expenditure
  • cost-effective
  • chronic conditions
  • early detection
  • immunization
  • health promotion
  • risk factors
  • non-communicable diseases
  • disease surveillance
  • preventive diagnostics
  • health literacy
  • universal healthcare
  • primary prevention
  • secondary prevention
  • tertiary prevention
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