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Band 4.5

Children need to learn the age difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents or teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviors to children?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
SOME PEOPLE THINK THATTO EDCUATE A
CHILDREN
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 ABOUT RIGHT AND WRONG AT AN EARLY AGE, AND
PUNISHMENT
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 IS THE ONLY WAY TO LEARN THEM
THIS
Linking Words
DIFFERENCE
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. I TOTALLY DISAGREE WITH
THIS
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 STATEMENT AS TO
TEACH
Wrong verb form
TEACHING
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CHILDREN
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 ABOUT GOOD AND BAD THINGS. THE MAIN POINT OF CONCERN IS THAT IT SHOULD BE DEMONSTRATED BY
PARENTS
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 OR TEACHERS FOR MORE CLEARITY , RATHER THAN
PUNISHMENT
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.
Body paragraph 1
TO COMMENCE WITH, IF WE WANT OUR
CHILDREN
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 TO LEARN THE AGE
DIFFERENCE
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 BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG AT AN EARLY AGE ,
THEN
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 IT IS RESPONSIBILITY OF
PARENTS
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 AND TUTORS TO EDUCATE THEM
THIS
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DIFFERENCE
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 APART FROM
PUNISHMENT
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. BECAUSE
PUNISHMENT
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 IS NOT NECESSARY IN LEARNING ABOUT THESE.
FOR INSTANCE
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, IF
PARENTS
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 WANT TO EDUCATE THEIR CHILD REGARDING GOOD AND BAD TOUCH
THEN
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 THEY SHOULD DEMONSTRATE IT IN FRONT OF THEM FOR BETTER UNDERSTANDING.
THEREFORE
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, SHOWING THEM IS MUCH NEEDED RATHER THAN EXPECTING THAT THE
CHILDREN
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 ARE GOING TO LEARN THROUGH EDUCATION.
Body paragraph 2
ALSO
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, IF I TALK ABOUT
PUNISHMENT
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 THAT WILL BE USED TO TEACH GOOD BEHAVIOURS ,
THEN
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 IT SHOULD BE INCULCATED IN AN EFFECTIVE MANNER
RATHER
Punctuation problem
, RATHER
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 THAN PHYSICALLY.
Body paragraph 3
TO EPITOMISE, IF
CHILDREN
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 ARE SHOWING GOOD BEHAVIOURS
THEN
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 A REWARD SHOULD BE GIVEN
AND
Punctuation problem
, AND
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 THOSE WHO DID NOT PERFORM GOT NOTHING. SO, IF
PARENTS
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 WANT TO TEACH THEIR
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CHILDREN
Punctuation problem
CHILDREN,
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THEN
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 THEY SHOULD
FIRSTLY
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 OBSERVE,AND
THEN
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 IF THEY DO
WRONG
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WRONG,
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THEN
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 STOP TALKING WITH THEM AS A
PUNISHMENT
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, SO THAT THEY GET AN IDEA ABOUT WHAT THEY DO WRONG.
Conclusion
IN CONSLUSION, IF
CHILDREN
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 NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THE
DIFFERENCE
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 BETWEEN GOOD AND BAD
THEN
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 EDUCATION AND DEMONSTARTION SHOULD BE NECCESSARY
WHILE
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 PROVIDING THE KNOWLDEGE OR IMPORVING THEIR LEARNING SKLL. BUT, IF
PUNISHMENT
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 IS A MUST FOR TEACHING THEM GODLY
BEHAVIOURS
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BEHAVIOURS,
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THEN
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 TECHNIQUES
SUCH
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 AS REWARDS SHOULD BE GIVEN TO THE
CHILDREN
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 TO BOOST THEIR LEARNING POWER.

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task response
Answer both parts in full. Say clearly how far you agree, then give safe ways parents and teachers can use punishment.
task response
Your main view is clear: punishment is not the only way. However, your ideas about punishment do not fully match this view. Explain when a small punishment may be used and why it can help.
task response
Use clear examples. For example, a child who hits another child can say sorry, help the other child, and lose play time for a short time. Do not use physical punishment.
task response
Do not say parents should stop talking to a child. This may make the child feel bad and does not show what to do next. Say that adults should calmly explain the wrong act and show the right act.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part have one clear job. In the first body part, write about teaching by words and example. In the second, write about fair and safe punishment.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way: First, Also, For example, As a result, and In conclusion. Make sure each new sentence grows from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Some parts repeat the same point about showing children right and wrong. Add new detail instead of saying the same idea again.
coherence and cohesion
Write a short plan before you start: view, first reason, second reason, example, ending. This will help your essay stay clear.
task response
You give a clear main view that teaching and showing are more useful than punishment alone.
task response
You try to answer the part about what parents and teachers should do, with ideas such as rewards and non-physical action.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body parts, and an ending, so the reader can follow the main shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use an example about good and bad touch, which helps make your point more real.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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