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Band 3.5

iSome people believe that university education should be for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 consider that
everyone
Use synonyms
 should study at
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
. It is
commonly
Add an article
a commonly
show examples
 held belief that studying at
university
Use synonyms
 must be
including
Replace the word
inclusive
 for all individuals, because it is essential and beneficial to
people
Use synonyms
 and
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it .
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 consider that
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is crucial for
everyone
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 become independent and gives them equal opportunities.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
academy
Replace the word
academic
education
Use synonyms
 can provide equal opportunities for all individuals .
In other words
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who come from
low income
Correct your spelling
low-income
 families may have the same chance at
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is free for
everyone
Use synonyms
 without
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 any fees that will gives the opportunities for all
students
Use synonyms
 to join.
In addition
Linking Words
, studying at
university
Use synonyms
 leads
people
Use synonyms
 to develop their skills and achieve their academic potential.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who
become
Verb problem
come
show examples
 from
low income
Check wording
low-income backgrounds
show examples
 may achieve their goals and become a successful doctor
or
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 engineer or any other
occupations
Check wording
occupation
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider,
students
Use synonyms
 become more independent . It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that if they
immersed
Wrong verb form
immerse
show examples
 themselves in their
university
Use synonyms
 years, they will learn how to make
decision
Check wording
decisions
show examples
 and take responsibility for
himself
Fix the agreement mistake
themselves
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
university
Use synonyms
 life
prepare
Correct subject-verb agreement
prepares
show examples
 them for adulthood and
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
 essential life skills.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 must be for
everyone
Use synonyms
in equal
Replace the word
equally
 and that will increase the state’s economy.

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task response
Your main view is clear: you agree that university should be for everyone. However, explain more fully why this is good for the whole country, not only for students. You could write about more skilled workers, better jobs, and a stronger economy.
task response
Make your answer to “to what extent” more exact. For example, say whether you fully agree, or agree but think some people may choose work or training instead.
task response
Your example of a student from a low-income family becoming a doctor or engineer is on topic. Make it more real by showing how free university helps that student finish study and get a job.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each main idea longer with a reason and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “In addition” should add a close idea. The point about skills and goals is linked to equal chances, so explain that link clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. For example, write “university education should be available to all people” instead of “must be including for all individuals.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the same idea. Use “university education” throughout, rather than changing it to “academy education.”
coherence and cohesion
Check who each word refers to. Write “take responsibility for themselves,” not “for himself,” because you are talking about students in general.
task response
You give a clear opinion in both the introduction and the conclusion.
task response
You choose two useful ideas: equal chances and greater independence.
coherence and cohesion
The main parts are easy to see, and each one has one central idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “To begin with,” “In addition,” and “In conclusion.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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