IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people find it hard to balance work with the other part of their lives. What is the reason for this? How can this problem be solved or overcome?

6.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The balance between
work
Use synonyms
 and private
life
Use synonyms
 is important. It offers an amazing chance to improve in
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it comes with many difficulties.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the main reasons for
this
Linking Words
 and how
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 struggle to balance their
work
Use synonyms
 and personal
life
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
many
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 long hours.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they don't have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to stay with their families.
For example
Linking Words
, someone leaves home early in the morning and comes back late at night.
Second,
Linking Words
numerous
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from
work
Use synonyms
 pressure.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will be busy all day.
For instance
Linking Words
, they have to
work
Use synonyms
 at the office and at home.
Finally
Linking Words
, one of the main reasons is poor
time
Use synonyms
 management. It can negatively affect their
lives
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 as sleeping late and spending multiple hours watching TV.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some solutions that can make their
lives
Use synonyms
 much easier.
First,
Linking Words
companies should offer flexible working hours. With
this
Linking Words
 flexible schedule, they can improve their
time
Use synonyms
 management.
For example
Linking Words
, employees can spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their families and enhance their personal
lives
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
managing
time
Use synonyms
 effectively can change their entire
lives
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 should set clear priorities.
For example
Linking Words
, if they finish the important tasks
first,
Linking Words
then
Linking Words
 they can spend more
time
Use synonyms
 resting.
Finally
Linking Words
, schools and workplaces can provide awareness about pressure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can offer classes on how to handle stress and
time
Use synonyms
 management.
Conclusion
In conclusion, balancing
work
Use synonyms
 and a personal
life
Use synonyms
 can be challenging.
However
Linking Words
, with the right decisions,
people
Use synonyms
 can achieve a healthier and happier
life
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the question: reasons and ways to solve the problem. To make your answer stronger, explain each main idea more fully. For example, say why long hours happen and how they harm family time or health.
task response
Some ideas are good but need more detail. The point about watching TV is a personal habit, but it is not as strong as work hours, work stress, or work from home. Use reasons that are more closely linked to the problem.
task response
Your solutions are clear. Add more about how they can work in real life. For example, firms can limit late work emails, and people can set a time to stop work each day.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. In the first body part, you say “First”, “Second”, and “Finally”, which is good. But “Therefore” after long hours would be clearer with a space: “long hours. Therefore, ...”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not join well with the sentence before them. For example, “Such as sleeping late ...” is not a full sentence. Write: “This can include sleeping late and spending many hours watching TV.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words through the essay. Use “work-life balance” or “work and personal life” in a steady way, rather than changing to “their lives” too often.
task response
You give three reasons and three ways to solve the problem, so the reader can clearly see your main ideas.
task response
Your examples about leaving home early, coming home late, and doing work at home help show the problem in daily life.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has a clear main focus: causes first and solutions next.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph gives a clear short summary and ends the essay in a suitable way.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: