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Band 7

Many parents think that it is good to teach children about the value of money .Why do you think it is important to teach them the value of money? In what ways can you help children learn the value of money?

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Introduction
More and more parents think that teaching their children about the
value
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important topics, and how to apply it. From my perspective, I completely believe that knowing these skills is essential
due to
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 the economic aspect.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that teaching kids about the
value
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 of
money
Use synonyms
 by their parents benefits the economic system. The argument is that some young people become successful businessmen in various aspects throughout their lives, which leads to a positive impact on their future investments. The phenomenon results in many rich individuals, ultimately leading to a reduction in the poverty rate in the country. A study conducted by the Department of Economics at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 75% of rich people studied the
value
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 of
money
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 at a very young age.
Therefore
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, the performance of the economic system will improve
due to
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 the presence of
this
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 strategy.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, I am convinced that
this
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 goal can be achieved by developing and implementing a learning plan. What I mean is that young individuals can buy and sell simple products in special events in schools, allowing them to have a sufficient grasp of values.
This
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 process fosters negotiation skills, which in turn ensure understanding of the
value
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 of
money
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 and how to manage it.
For instance
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, there are some young students who buy snacks from local stores and sell them to other learners or teachers in school.
As a result
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, the objective will be achieved if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly believe that children should know the
value
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 of
money
Use synonyms
 and how to learn it with the help of their parents.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Explain why money skills matter to each child, such as making good choices, saving, and not wasting money. Your first main idea is mostly about the whole economy, so it is less close to the question.
task response
Give clearer ways parents can teach this. For example, give a child a small amount of money each week, ask them to save for a toy, let them compare shop prices, and talk about needs and wants.
task response
Develop each main point with a simple reason and a clear example. The example of selling snacks shows buying and selling, but it does not clearly show how parents teach children at home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Make the link between ideas clearer. In the first body part, move from teaching children to business success and then to poverty more slowly, or use a closer reason.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the order of your ideas: First, Also, For example, As a result, and In conclusion. Make sure each link shows a real connection between the two sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first paragraph should focus on why learning about money helps children. The second should focus only on how parents can teach it.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence stronger by restating both answers: why money lessons are important and which home activities can help children learn.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: you give a reason for teaching money value and suggest a learning plan with buying and selling.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “First of all”, “In addition”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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