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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
Many children
use
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 their telephones for hours daily. They have many reasons for doing so
,
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;
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 some are good, and many are bad.
This
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 essay will examine the positive and negative factors of
this
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 topic, and I will state my personal opinion.
Body paragraph 1
There are numerous beneficial reasons why kids
use
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 their phones.
Firstly
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, they have gained the ability to stay in touch. The youth spend most of the
day
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 online talking to friends and family.
This
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 is a great positive development since it creates closer bonds.
Secondly
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, they study all
day
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. The youth spend most of their time studying, and
due to
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 artificial intelligence and Youtube it has never been any simpler.
Lastly
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, smartphones are the greatest sources of entertainment. Nearly all youth
use
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 their phones for entertainment. Watching videos and playing games online has cured their boredom.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, the negative developments are diabolical. First of all, using the phone is a massive waste of time. Children
use
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 their devices to sit around and procrastinate all
day
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.
Instead
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, they could be studying or even pick up a hobby. Second, smartphones have become an addiction. A reason why they spend hours daily on it is that it has made them dependent on dopamine.
Lastly
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, mobiles create introverts.
Instead
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 of being social in public, kids are home all
day
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 on their phones.
This
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 leads them to have no friends, which keeps them home, and the cycle repeats.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to acknowledge that there are multiple beneficial reasons
to
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apply
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why children waste most of their time on their mobile devices.
However
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, it is easy to notice that the negative developments outweigh the good aspects.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Explain why children use phones for many hours, then clearly say that this is mainly a negative change.
task response
Give more full support for each main idea. For example, explain how games and short videos keep children online, and how this can affect sleep, school work, and time with other people.
task response
Use real, clear examples. You could mention a child who watches short videos after school and then has less time for homework or sport.
task response
Some ideas are too strong or not fully true. Do not say phones 'create introverts' or that children have 'no friends'. Say that too much phone use can make some children spend less time talking face to face.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph is about good uses, but the question asks why children spend hours on phones. Make the link clearer: children stay online for chat, school help, games, and videos.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Lastly' are useful, but add clear cause links such as 'because', 'as a result', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your view. The last sentence says children 'waste' time, but the essay also gives good uses. State that the good uses are helpful, yet long daily use is more harmful.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a clear personal view that the bad sides are stronger.
task response
You include several relevant reasons, such as talking with family, school help, games, and videos.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, a paragraph on good points, a paragraph on bad points, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph openings, such as 'However' and 'In conclusion', to show the change in ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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