Some people say that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age of driving motorbikes or cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Due to
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the increase in
number
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the number
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of road
accidents
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and other major road
safety
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concerns, it is
been
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apply
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suggested to increase the minimum
age
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limit
of
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for
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driving.
However
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, I agree to
this
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viewpoint
upto
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to
some extent because I believe there are other ways which can help to tackle
this
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issue.
This
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essay will explain the reasons with relevant examples in
upcoming
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the upcoming
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paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
By alternating the
age
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limit for driving, there could be a decrease in speed and rash driving
accidents
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. To explain
this
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, adults are more responsible
as compare
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compared
to youngsters
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due
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, due
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to which they follow all
rules
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and regulations
while
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driving.
Whereas
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, young individuals
drive
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at high
speed
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speeds
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and avoid following any
rules
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which
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, which
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cause major
accidents
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on roads.
For example
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, most of
road
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the road
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accidents
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reported are caused by high school students for
over
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apply
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speeding and not wearing
safety
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equipments
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equipment
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such
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as helmets.
Hence
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, if
minimum
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the minimum
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age
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for driving is changed and only adults
will be
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are
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allowed to
drive
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this
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, this
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could help in maintaining
safety
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on roads.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, if officials introduce penality system for breaking driving
rules
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, it will
also
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help to resolve the
safety
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concerns on the roads.
This
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can be done by launching
digital
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a digital
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ticket system and giving negative points for each law break
which
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, which
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can impact
individual's
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an individual's
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licence
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and can
also
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result in cancellation of the
licence
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.
For instance
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, in Canada, after having 10 demerit points on the
licence
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, an individual cannot
drive
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for approximately 24 months.
As a result
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, people follow all
rules
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to avoid the suspension of their
licence
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.
Thus
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, introducing modified
rules
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can be beneficial to curb
this
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problem.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
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increasing
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age
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the age
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limit for driving can be useful as it will allow mature people to
drive
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who pay attention to their
safety
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, implementing new
rules
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could
also
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be the solution for
this
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concern.

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task response
Make your view more clear in the first paragraph. Say that you partly agree, and state why age is only one part of road safety.
task response
Give more detail about why older drivers may be safer. Also note that age alone does not always make a driver safe; training, checks, and law control matter too.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but make them more careful. Do not say that most crashes are caused by high school students unless you can prove it. You can say that young drivers may be more likely to take risks.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: "Raising the driving age may reduce some risky driving." Then explain the reason and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid phrases such as "This essay will explain" and "upcoming paragraphs." Start with your main view in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Some word choices reduce clarity. Use "raising the age limit" instead of "alternating the age limit," "penalty" instead of "penality," and "safety equipment" instead of "safety equipments."
task response
You answer both sides of the question: raising the age limit and using stronger rules. This gives your essay a balanced view.
task response
The Canada example helps show how points on a licence can change driver behavior.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main view and sums up the two solutions clearly.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • road safety
  • young motorists
  • lack of maturity
  • driving experience
  • risk-taking behaviour
  • reckless driving
  • graduated licensing system
  • compulsory driver training
  • practical driving test
  • strict traffic enforcement
  • speed cameras
  • drink-driving checks
  • distracted driving
  • road safety campaign
  • heavier penalties
  • safer road design
  • reduce accident rates
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