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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age of driving motorbikes or cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Many people argue that the best approach to improve
road
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safety
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 is to extend the minimum legal
age
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 to ride a motorcycle or drive a vehicle. The
safety
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 of the roads is determined by drivers and pedestrians,
as well as
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 other crucial conditions,
such
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 as
infrastructure
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. I believe that a minimum legal
age
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 to drive is not the most important aspect to decrease incidents. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
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 is irrelevant and what actual factors are to reduce
road
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 risks.
Body paragraph 1
The
age
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 of a driver does not have any particular or direct relationship with their driving skills or
safety
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 awareness.
For instance
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, there are seniors who might have driven for years, yet perform dangerous manoeuvres more often than not.
Furthermore
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, it has been demonstrated that many young individuals can outperform their older counterparts in terms of response and reactiveness,
while
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also
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 being much more aware of specific hazardous situations.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, conditions that can be enhanced to improve
safety
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 on the streets and minimise risk include a more comprehensive driving learning path and proper
infrastructure
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to
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for
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 transit.
Hence
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, higher quality and extended driving courses with more strict theoretical and practical examinations are crucial to form safer drivers.
Additionally
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, precisely designed and adequate
infrastructure
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, with well-established maintenance and signalling, including highly visible signals and the absence of potholes, is particularly necessary to ensure safer roads.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, the minimum
age
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 to drive a vehicle, either a car or a motorbike, is not an essential element regarding the improvement of
road
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safety
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.
Instead
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, individuals with better developed abilities and awareness,
along with
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 suitable
road
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infrastructure
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, are the fundamental pillars to reduce incidents on the street.

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task response
Your view is clear: age is not the best way to make roads safer. You also give two other ways: better driver learning and better roads. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly why a higher age limit would not help much.
task response
Your first body point needs a more careful example. Saying that some older people drive badly does not fully show that age does not matter. Add a clear point about young drivers, such as lack of skill, risk taking, or poor rule following, then explain why training can deal with this.
task response
Your ideas about classes, tests, road signs, and road repair are useful and on topic. Give one real or clear made-up example to show how these steps can stop crashes.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two main parts, and ending. Each part has one main job, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. “On the other hand” may suggest the next point is the opposite of the first point, but it is really another reason for your view. Try “More importantly” or “In addition” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences, especially in the road section. This will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “roads”, “streets”, and “transit”. “Roads” and “road safety” are the clearest choices for this topic.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep your own view from the start to the end.
task response
You give more than one useful reason for your view, including driver learning and road conditions.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending clearly repeats your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are well placed, and each body paragraph stays focused on one main idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • road safety
  • young motorists
  • lack of maturity
  • driving experience
  • risk-taking behaviour
  • reckless driving
  • graduated licensing system
  • compulsory driver training
  • practical driving test
  • strict traffic enforcement
  • speed cameras
  • drink-driving checks
  • distracted driving
  • road safety campaign
  • heavier penalties
  • safer road design
  • reduce accident rates
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