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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe governments should spend more money on public services, while others think individuals should pay for these services themselves. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Due to
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 more and more public
services
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 in recent years, the quality of life has become better than before. Some people consider that the
government
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 should take responsibility for public
services
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; others suggest that
individuals
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 should bear
this
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 cost. My argument is that our
government
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 needs to put more effort into public
services
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, in a wealthy country, it tends to put more attention on its citizens' rights. Anyone who lives in
this
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 country should be taken care of by the
government
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, not only physically but
also
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 mentally. In some Northern European countries, they have well-developed social welfare,
such
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 as studying in secondary school for free, which makes others admire them. Even though they put lots of resources into
society
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, the residents would not complain a lot, and
society
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 would be peaceful.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, paying by
individuals
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 is not the worst, but people
would
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apply
show examples
tend to be individualistic. Later,
this
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 country will have more human beings who care about themselves, not others. No one wants to share anything with someone else, whether in the workplace or in schools, and
this
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society
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 is becoming worse
due to
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 selfishness.
Individuals
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 just care about their benefits;
therefore
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,
this
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 living place is getting indifferent.
Body paragraph 3
From my perspective, I would support that our
government
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 must spend more on public
services
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, because our
government
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 is elected by citizens. We expect our
society
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 to have more resources and enjoy public welfare. In Taiwan,
individuals
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 can get discounts when they use public transportation. The
government
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 tries to decrease the cost of living and provide better public
services
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.
As a result
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, it not only solves the problem of wealth inequality
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 makes our lives more convenient.
Conclusion
In conclusion, if we want to pursue a pleasant living environment, the
government
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 needs to make public
services
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 more accessible and affordable.
This
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 policy will make
society
Use synonyms
 more convenient and help us cherish what we have.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why some people think users should pay. For example, they may use less tax money, make people use services with care, and help the state spend money on other needs.
task response
Your main view is clear, but some ideas are too wide. The point that paying for services makes people selfish is not fully shown. Explain the link step by step, or use a more direct point such as poor people may not be able to pay for health care, schools, or travel.
task response
The Taiwan example is useful and fits your view. Add one clear fact or result: lower travel costs can help low-paid workers get to work or school. This will make the example more real and helpful.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first view, second view, your view, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the first line of each body part state the main idea more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas need to be clearer. For example, after free school, explain how this helps people and why it can lead to a calm society. Do not jump from one idea to another too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words with care: “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “Therefore”. Avoid repeating “society” and “government” many times when a short word like “it” is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make the second body part more balanced. Start by showing one good point of personal payment, then explain the problem you see. This will make the discussion feel fair before you give your own view.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show both views and clearly say that the state should spend more on public services.
task response
You use a clear, relevant example about lower public travel costs in Taiwan.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction states your view, and your ending returns to it in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
The body parts are easy to follow because each one has one main focus.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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