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Band 4.5

Some people want the governments to spend money looking for life in other planets, however. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. ‏Discuss both views and give your opinion.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 ask policymakers to spend
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 searching for life
out of
Change preposition
beyond
show examples
 our
planet
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.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 others consider
this
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a waste of citizens'
money
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 when there are other issues on earth.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I will discuss both views
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
secondly
Linking Words
, my opinion is in a conclusion
at the end
Linking Words
. For me, there are some locations
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
planet
Use synonyms
do
Correct pronoun usage
that do
show examples
 not have
services
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 in some cases can have a bad result on
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
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. So, governments must ensure that
people
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 have these
services
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 around them
Linking Words
firstly
Punctuation problem
, firstly
show examples
before
Punctuation problem
, before
show examples
 any other projects.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
climate
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change
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 is causing inevitable
problems
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can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 make our
planet
Use synonyms
 uninhabitable in the future. There are droughts, floods, and other
problems
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can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 happen from time to time because of
climate
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change
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. These
problems
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 can destroy
people
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's houses and businesses in some places.
For example
Linking Words
, cities that are near shores can be affected badly by floods. These
problems
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 would increase and happen more and more
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if
people
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 were not aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
climate
Use synonyms
change
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. But it is worse when
Linking Words
according
Punctuation problem
, according
show examples
 to the
climate
Use synonyms
 book that
published
Verb problem
was published
show examples
 in 2021, even if
people
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 tried to decrease their actions that
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 causing these
problems
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, they would happen anyway.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
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acrroced
Correct your spelling
crossed
 the tipping point of
climate
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 years ago.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is a good
ideas
Check wording
idea
show examples
 for
poliymakers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
 to spend
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 searching for planets that can have other
Use synonyms
lives
Check wording
life
show examples
. So, if
this
Linking Words
was
Wrong verb form
were to
show examples
 happen,
people
Use synonyms
 would find
other
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
planet
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 to live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 without worrying about
climate
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change
Use synonyms
's
problems
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are inevitable
problems
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 on
earth
Capitalize the proper name
Earth
show examples
 that can harm
people
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's
lives
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. Recently, governments
start
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
 to spend public
money
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 on
spece
Correct your spelling
space
 projects.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there are still some places in rural areas
do
Correct pronoun usage
that do
show examples
 not have hospitals. So,
this
Linking Words
 can cause
problems
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 in some cases for
people
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 who live there.
For instance
Linking Words
, if there was emergancy accident, injured
people
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 in
this
Linking Words
 accident would be in
worse
Add an article
a worse
show examples
 case when there is no hospital near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them to go
at
Change preposition
to at
show examples
 the time of
accident
Add an article
the accident
show examples
. So, policymakers must ensure that
services
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such
Linking Words
 as hospitals are
bult
Correct your spelling
built
 first.
After
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they can spend
money
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 on other projects.
This
Linking Words
 is because the
result of absence
Correct word order
absence of
show examples
 these
services
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 can harm
people
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's
live
Check wording
lives
show examples
 faster than anything else.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are
problems
Use synonyms
 on earth must policymakers prioriytize before anything else.
This
Linking Words
 is because these
problems
Use synonyms
 can have a bad consequence on
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your view. However, your view is not fully clear because you first say money should go to services on Earth, but then you say space search is a good idea. State your main view clearly in the first part and support it again at the end.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why finding life or a new home may help people, but also explain why hospitals, clean water, schools, and help after floods may need money first.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. The example about towns near the sea is useful. The point about a climate book is not clear and is not needed. It also does not prove that space search will find a place for people to live.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, two main parts, and end. Make the start stronger by giving a short background sentence and a clear opinion, instead of saying what you will do in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first main part, focus on reasons to fund space work. In the second, focus on reasons to spend on Earth. Then link each example back to the main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more carefully: 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For example', 'However', and 'Therefore'. Do not use 'Firstly' and 'secondly' to tell the reader about your plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are very long or have missing words. Write shorter sentences. For example: 'Some rural areas still have no hospitals. This can put lives at risk in an emergency.'
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and give your own view.
task response
You use relevant ideas, such as climate change, floods, hospitals, and rural areas.
coherence and cohesion
The use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' helps the reader see the two sides.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion returns to your main view that urgent problems on Earth should come first.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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